me_irl

Taking preorders today. First unmanned set up mission to be launched in 18 months. First manned colony ship full of technicians to launch in 24 months. First luxury Starship™ to launch in 36 months.

12 years later

The first ship full of semi-functional robots and temporary shelters (engineered to nanometer level tolerances) blows up on launch pad.

Musk announces that it was a very successful test. During the next investor call, Musk explains that they are on track for the manned mission sometime next year. He says that preorders have slowed but not stopped, that the premium nonrefundable Space Marine™ and Starfighter™ packages have continued to increase revenues, and that they are in negotiations with Disney to offer Jedi™ packages that come in Padawan™, Knight™, and Master™ levels (the knight package will include simulated telekinesis on day one, while the master packages should be able to deliver ESP sometime after wave 1 of colonists reach X city on Planet X, formerly known as Mars).

Musk goes on to explain that the switch to only taking payment through the X app is actually saving them money. Musk's line is "accidentally" muted while he is responding to a follow up question about X refusing to comply with investigations related to banking regulations that he claims it is exempt from.

Tesla stock plummets the next day, and yet, somehow, is still overvalued.