The Onion

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The Onion

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When You're Feeling Low, Just Remember I'll Be Dead In About 15 Or 20 Years (www.theonion.com)

submitted 1 year ago by Nougat@kbin.social to c/theonion@midwest.social

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My friends, everybody has their down days, and during these long winter months it is especially easy to succumb to the doldrums and find yourself in a bit of a funk. But not to fear! I have a simple tip that’s guaranteed to pick you up and get you back in good spirits in no time, and here it is: Whenever you’re…

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[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 13 points 1 year ago (1 children)

You're all deceiving yourselves. $20 says it's Henry Kissinger all over again. But don't worry, all your friends and family will keep dropping like flies. Maybe I should go to bed.

[–] SirToxicAvenger@lemm.ee 12 points 1 year ago (1 children)

kissinger survives as a head in a jar for at least another thousand years.

[–] Tylerdurdon@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Assuming they could figure out the right composition of fluid to pump into the jar so that you could have significantly enhanced mortality like that, would you if it meant only your head?

[–] ivanafterall@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

If I could also pull the plug at anytime, then yes, I'd at least see what it's like.