this post was submitted on 21 Oct 2023
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ADHD
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You sound over worked. Try:
And finally (this is the most important step) observe how you naturally react to this pattern and adjust accordingly. You have to learn to outsmart yourself which is the hardest thing you’ll ever do
Have you ever stared at a wall instead of your work for an hour?
Yes. My mom's old partner would put us in the corner as a form of punishment for hours on end.
That said if you think I'm suggesting OP stares at a wall then you're missing the point. Obviously the hope is that they would A) do their hw or B) read a book. Boredom is a powerful motivator
Edit: I realize you might have meant this in the opposite direction I initially interpreted it. If that's the case then the key thing is that I originally suggested they observe how they naturally engage with the loop and adjust accordingly. No two people are the same. So any advice I give will need to be adjusted to OP's unique way of living and thinking
No, what they’re saying is that that’s something that just happens sometimes with people with adhd. Not intentionally, sometimes even while we internally scream to stop. It’s basically a complete breakdown of executive functioning
YYeah, ur prob right. It's been long enough since I've been that burnt that I've forgotten what's like. I think in that case the best you can do is try and focus on self care and circle back around to things on your own terms
I used to go to the library a lot to force more focus with less distractions. I never reached the level of productivity I aimed for, no matter how hard I tried. Sitting still and focusing for an hour straight? Might as well ask me to solve world peace.
It's okay to get distracted. Long periods of focus is like lifting weights or being fast on your feet. Some people are naturally better at it than others. And there's a whole world outside of it besides. You'll find your place :)
the problem is that i do almost nothing in a day so i don't understand how i could be overworked
Life isn’t about “doing things” or being “productive.” But about learning yourself and coming to terms with who you are. If you can do that then you’ll be better equipped to navigate the unique challenges of your mind
Sometimes the stress of responsibility is enough to cause executive fatigue and make you want to isolate into addicting habits. The important thing to try here is to try something small and reward yourself for it. While also putting in measures to prevent yourself from easily slipping back into those distracting habits (and I mean real physical measures not fake mental promises and dreams about being better)
But it depresses me that I feel too overwhelmed by just the basic requirements of life to really focus on things I actually care about. I want to develop my hobbies deeper and learn new skills, not just manage to tread water forever, and I’m not even really even doing that. I do a decent job at work but my home is often a disaster. Keeping myself interested in any one hobby is a barrier too but not as a big as the pitifully low limit to my capacity to do things..
I second the seclusion idea. We cannot be trusted with distractions. Remove them and you won't have to resist or use will power. Speaking of will power, we don't have as much as others. I've found routines are my lifeline. Each task or step has to complete near the beginning of the next one. The closer the better, so there is as little time for a distraction to interfere with the flow. One last thing, it doesn't get better or worse. You ability to cope gets better or worse. We have ADHD, you don't grow out of it any more than a person with a missing hand (an an extreme example) grows out of it. They work around it. They can't use both hands, because they don't have two hands. We have our personal ADHD symptoms that won't go away. Our only way forward is to identify them, accept them, and then work on ways to mitigate them. You wouldn't fault a one handed man for not being able to clap like everyone else, so don't beet yourself up over your "failings". Help yourself of tomorrow by finding how to cope with your symptoms today.
YMMV, but seclusion doesn't seem to work for me... I can't be trusted with distractions, but it seems I can't be trusted not to seek the situations where I'm exposed to said distractions either. Taking the aforementioned example of going to the library and closing my phone, I'd probably leave early after convincing myself I could do the same from home, or pull my phone out of my bag and boot it up later "just to check something", and bam, back to square one.
Routines are absolutely key, though.
We are our worst enemy. There was an interesting piece on NPR (might be a TED Talk) about how our brains see our future selves the same as a stranger. Meaning we have the same amount of goodwill and empathy as for a random stranger on the street. Like, if you see someone in the rain without an umbrella, then think "sucks to be them" well, that is you tomorrow. Weird