this post was submitted on 20 Oct 2023
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There is no need to dog whistle, calling out toxic masculinity isn’t a negative thing and there would be no need to hide it if it was relevant.
Toxic masculinity doesn’t exist, it’s an oxymoron
Against my better judgment, I've decided to engage you in good faith.
The ridiculously high numbers of men who suicide because talking about your feelings is "weak," are victims of toxic masculinity.
My friend who believes that a man's "job" in a marriage is to support his woman, "no matter what," and as such is a victim of horrific abuse, is another victim of toxic masculinity.
When my husband's father burned all his sketchbooks at 14 because "art is for girls," that was toxic masculinity (in addition to being fucking stupid).
That's why I said it's obvious you've fallen prey to outrage porn. The assholes who peddle these bullshit stories say that "they" (usually some group of evil feminists) are trying to tell you that all masculinity is toxic.
If that was true, why would they bother specifying toxic masculinity, instead of using the word "masculinity" as a slur? Why would anybody add a whole extra word there?
The people who peddle this BS are making you angry on purpose. Anger can cause similar reactions to addiction in the brain. It's why outrage porn generates more online engagement than feel-good BS.
No, friend. Victims of toxic masculinity are rarely women. It's mostly men, and mostly men who have been either taught, or abused into believing, that the "right" way to behave as a man is harmful. Ex; Real men don't dance! Crying means you're a pussy! Man up and join the army! If you were a real man, you could handle this on your own! Real men don't ask for help! I'm sure you can think of lots more examples than these.
That's why it's called toxic masculinity. Because masculinity itself isn't toxic. And yes, there's toxic femininity, too.
The implication is that some form of masculinity is toxic, but masculinity (and femininity) are purely mature forms of the psyche, in which men can exude femininity in a healthy way, as well as women can take on masculinity. Essentially, I’m coming from more of a Jungian school of thought where what could be considered toxic masculinity has no true identity in masculinity, but is a shadow of it. Kind of like those knock off designer bags.
This may seem to be splitting hairs, but if you view masculinity and femininity in this way it allows for more concise and target discussion about responsibility and maturity.
I can respect your point of view, but to ignore common parlance in discussing these issues and claiming they don't exist, is not how you foster healthy conversations about how to support the victims of these behaviors.
Being pedantic about the language reads identically to someone saying that these issues don't exist, and that's why you're being gang-rushed in replies.
It’s more about combatting the root than just demonizing the pus filled scab that is the cultural. This is because we don’t have good mentors and role models for young males on what maturity looks like and 4th wave feminist ideals have just piled on. We have a mental health issue, that is manifesting as a cultural issue.
Telling people there's no such thing as toxic masculinity does nothing to address any of those problems, and instead appears to average people as sweeping them under the rug. All my examples of toxic masculinity are, in fact, pervasive, as well as cultural.
And none of them have anything to do with feminism and everything to do with perpetuating a cycle of abuse under the guise of the ideal of perfect male behavior.