this post was submitted on 11 Oct 2023
496 points (89.5% liked)

Not The Onion

12183 readers
1464 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 60 points 1 year ago (4 children)

Solution: Everyone has to leave. Israel becomes a wildlife preserve/world heritage site. Nobody but staff visits for a hundred years.

Maybe they can move that fucking ladder.

Religion is so fucking dumb

[–] Sanctus@lemmy.world 17 points 1 year ago (2 children)

That was a riveting read. I desire to move the ladder.

[–] mycatiskai@lemmy.one 7 points 1 year ago

We belong to no sect, we can move that ladder knowing all of those people will hate us for moving it.

Better yet burn that ladder with a magnifying lens from a distance and see them all have a shit fit.

[–] TheBat@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago

Just release some termites near the ladder lmao

[–] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

I thought up another solution:

God Hoax

We have the technology to make a hologram of God, or to perform a fake miracle of some kind.

  1. Make a fake miracle happen in Israel/Gaza where lots of Israelis and Palestinians can see it.

  2. Get a bunch of Palestinians and Israelis to convert to a new peaceful religion where the only way to go to heaven is to treat everyone like you would treat your family, with love and respect. It would have to be a straightforward religion without all the mumbo jumbo left up for interpretation.

  3. Pizza party?

[–] Semi-Hemi-Demigod@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

If there’s a pizza party at the end I’m down. It’s as realistic as my solution, but with pizza

[–] StorminNorman@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Yeah, I don't want people treating each other the way my family treats each other...

[–] TopRamenBinLaden@sh.itjust.works 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Haha, fair point. That may not be the best example of a respectful relationship for everyone.