this post was submitted on 09 Oct 2023
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Just perused a bunch of old letters - and I mean like, 20+ years, from when I was in high school. From friends that I no longer speak with. I distinctly remember the giddy feeling of getting mail back then. Found a learner's permit from someone that meant a HUGE amount to me, who gave me their Ls when they got their Ps.
I do have to wonder if they've kept my replies.
Or does it even matter? As fleeting as those moments were, they left a lasting impression on me. They shaped who I was to become. Maybe it's the same for them, maybe it's not.
Oh man you got me thinking about some of this stuff myself. Thank you. There's some good memories in there. As to the question, given you cant control other peoples reactions to stuff I guess its not even worth pondering. You can hope they do, but all that matters is how YOU feel about it.
True. There's no chance of recapturing that moment at all. Only some weird simulacra (which, if pulled off right would create its own moment). But gods! To go back to some of those exact moments. Even the painful ones that, so many years removed seem somewhat trivial yet the scars are still there.
What's interesting is that it's a box of stuff from before I was married, and yet I've still managed to add things over time from when my wife and I were together. Old student cards and metcards with notes written on them and cheap bracelets... So even if the box itself was a time capsule of a personal bygone era, there's been a time leak? It's kind of cool.
It absolutely is. I ended up digging through old photos looking for something the other day and it was... weird. A bitter sweet melancholy. Doing a lot of thinking like that these days. Everythings changed so much.
Bitter sweet melancholy is the perfect undertone for it - it's weird, huh? I often reminisce and it's a combination of longing, chances gone, friendships lost, friendships forged, love (and hate), and so much more. I wonder why we gravitate towards those types of memories so often. And yeah, I'm like you bud, been thinking a lot like that these days. Hence why I dug up the old nostalgia box.
I was at a mates kids birthday party over the weekend. Saw some old friends in a very different light. Walked away feeling a bit... i dunno, confused? I dont think they even are my mates any more. They were chatting away complaining and I'm sitting there thinking, 1 I cant relate, and 2, tbh I dont care! Like I wish I did, but I dont know you any more. You havnt asked how I'm doing, and now its all just... weird....
these are people I saw almost every weekend in my 20s. and now its.... odd.
I've been in those situations before - people you used to hang with and now you've drifted so far apart that they're... no longer friends but also not strangers? And yea, confused is definitely the vibe. A melancholic confusion - there's something that's lost, through no one's real fault, but it's nevertheless gone. What once was is no more.
the thing that stuck me was I wasn't really sad. What struck me was there was this atmospheric shift and I was the only one who felt it.