this post was submitted on 01 Oct 2023
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Agh. Feels. I wonder if part of their problem is that they feel responsible for your current living situation. Whether they are, or are not, is not relevant to this. Mixed in with strong affection and a desire to protect you. Hence the less than rational response from them. Messy emotions either way. I'm really sorry you're caught up in this. But it isn't your problem or your fault, I think. Though this may not help much with navigating a difficult situation.
I genuinely feel hurt that they’ve spun off into their own little world of unhelpful rather than doing the much simpler thing and just listening to me the first time
Simpler, and more complex too. Hopefully things will get better soon. Are any further family get togethers planned for the near future? Such might offer an opportunity for mutual apologies by everyone involved. Maybe offer to host a dinner at your place, where they can hear the disturbances for themselves?
Stepmother’s birthday. Two weeks.
The last commentary I had from her was that I was “dead to her” and bound to lose my job if I didn’t learn to accept help when offered, so I suspect she’s still too angry to want to see me…
And in thirty years I’ve never heard her apologise to me for anything.
Eeek. Does not sound promising at all. Well, if she doesn't want to see you, she doesn't have to I think. And her commentary on your employment prospects does not sound at all realistic. Maybe make plans for that weekend so you can claim a previous engagement. I suspect, however, that it will all blow over by then.
I want to say you're made of tougher stuff than me for putting up with such immature drama, but also, I very quietly want to add there is an element of the longer you put up with it the longer it'll go on for... Although I acknowledge it's much harder when there are disabilities involved, I think you know deep inside you don't need your parents nearly as much as they think they are needed (and can therefore control you). I feel like you give them far too much leeway sometimes...
I don’t need them as much as they think, but…I do also love them, still. At their best, they are better than this.