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This story is horrendous, most killers seem to gain something from it. But this woman just kills babies for no reason then hates herself for it afterwards. The whole story is just awful, what a terrible person.
Is there any attempt of a transcription of the note? It's almost impossible to read anything. She's very obviously unwell, to put it lightly. Still makes me wonder what is going through the heads of people like her in those moments.
Some of them I can't make out but the green one is readable if you read the left side first (it's in two columns).
It starts off saying the police think she did it but that's slander and discrimination, but then turns into admitting she did it and a lot about how she's a bad person and doesn't deserve her parents and will never have a family of her own.
Closest she comes to a motive in it is "I killed them on purpose because I'm not good enough to care for them, I am a horrible evil person."
I can only read a few words.
Mental illness?
What sane person kills another human being on purpose and without cause?
I'm genuinely curious, on the medical level does this count as mental illness? There must be a stronger word there is no curing this woman.
I mean their actual thought processes.
She's mentally unwell (to say the least) and she was put in charge of taking care of the most annoying creatures on earth. Not trying to justify her actions or shift the blame somewhere else, but maybe someone should have tested her; just in case she's a fucking psycho.
Tiny little premature babies annoy you???
Those tiny little 2 pound babies in their incubators being fed through feeding tubes?
I don't get it, they seem to me like one of the most harmless things on earth.
If you don't have much of a maternal instinct, crying babies are pretty annoying.
But for the majority of us who don't like kids, we just ignore it or if in charge of said infant, try to settle them rather than murder them.
I'm no psychologist but from what she's doing she seems to have a need for power and control, and surrounds herself with infants who are pretty easy to control. I would not be surprised if the killings occured after the victim began to cry (like any baby does) and she was unable to get them to stop, undermining her fragile self worth and sense of control and leading to a period of aggression, during which she kills the infant. Once it's done and the object of her aggression is gone her mind clears up and she realises what she's done, and enters a state of remorse. I doubt she does it because she wants to, I'm sure she's a very disturbed person, and her mental health issues are what prevented her from seeking help and from stopping. Of course some of the blame lies with the people who were aware and let it happen. It's like letting a hungry wolf into a daycare and doing nothing to stop it.
I can't say that I've followed this case closely, but I have never heard a reason why. Obviously, she's sick, but how do you do something like this "just because"?
The only thing I can even think is some super fucked up case of Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy. That or just pure evil.
Munchausen by proxy usually involves wanting attention from the resulting illness. Aka “look at me, I’m taking care of this sick child, poor me.” They usually don’t want to kill the victim because keeping them alive but sick is their goal.
This person did seem to pull the "woe is me" threads in her text messages to other colleagues, apparently seeking out sympathy.
Also, if they've got nothing but sick kids, then a death or near death is the next step up to garner sympathy because the status quo is sick kids.
This may be a good guess to why she might have done it.
Everyone has these intrusive negative thoughts like
"What if I drop this baby down the stairs?" "What if I punch this person in the mouth?" "What if I touch this woman's butt?" "Should I jump over this ledge?"
We never act upon them but still the majority of us have them. Any way that doesn't explain the why, I have no idea why she did this.
I guess sort of like Harold Shipman, they were both in a position to get away with their fucked up impulses without any negative repercussions.