this post was submitted on 15 Aug 2023
169 points (98.8% liked)

Not The Onion

12177 readers
896 users here now

Welcome

We're not The Onion! Not affiliated with them in any way! Not operated by them in any way! All the news here is real!

The Rules

Posts must be:

  1. Links to news stories from...
  2. ...credible sources, with...
  3. ...their original headlines, that...
  4. ...would make people who see the headline think, “That has got to be a story from The Onion, America’s Finest News Source.”

Comments must abide by the server rules for Lemmy.world and generally abstain from trollish, bigoted, or otherwise disruptive behavior that makes this community less fun for everyone.

And that’s basically it!

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
you are viewing a single comment's thread
view the rest of the comments
[–] olorin99@artemis.camp 22 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?

[–] intensely_human@lemm.ee 23 points 1 year ago (2 children)

Go to Peru and meet the cartels. They have advanced technology they use to steal gold and set up illegal dredging operations. And they've dressed like lizards in bright green and gold armor. And the jetpacks just glow red and fit underneath the feet. It's all very efficient and nothing to do with aliens.

[–] yukichigai@kbin.social 22 points 1 year ago

Go to Peru and meet the cartels.

I think I'll pass, thanks.

[–] Ichipurka@lemm.ee 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

In Peru, cartels are just DMT entities…

[–] resketreke@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] AffineConnection@lemmy.world 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] resketreke@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

That's a cocaine elemental!

[–] reflex@kbin.social 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)

Woah jetpacks are actually a thing now? Where do I get one?

These guys make one.
Jennifer Connelly not included.

[–] GlitterNinja@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

I thought the first link was going to be “and it starts right now” jet pack guy.

Not sure of Lemmy etiquette - Do I just paste the link? this guy

Edited to make the link look nicer

[–] Carighan@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

I mean they have their own drug-runner submarines. You underestimate how big and professional cartels are.