this post was submitted on 17 Nov 2024
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I've endured the male equivalent of this my whole life.
"What's wrong?"
"Nothing. Why?"
"You look angry."
"This is just my face!"
That's not really a male thing, nor is your example an equivalent. All sexes can get the angry face comment because people misinterpret others expressions wrong all the time. Not everyone is lucky enough to have resting beauty face. Heck just yesterday I was literally told by a nationally renowned dentist that my "small polite smile" would in fact labelled a grimace.. oof.
There is usually a sexual connotation in being told to smile (to look prettier to the viewers), while being asked if something is wrong generally doesn't have the same sexual undertones/motivations. The equivalent to the post would literally be a woman getting catcalled/told to smile and them thinking about escape routes. The difference in the gender swap is when the guy hears the smile comment they move on thinking about smiling (as shown by your comment), while the lady hears the smile comment and wonders if she's in an unsafe situation that could possibly end their life.
Don't get me wrong, both situations are awkward and uncomfortable to be in/navigate. Both put the onus the person hearing it to engage their defenses as to dispell/appease the accusations. And while both deal with fear, it really is just the power dynamics and inherent sexual nature that makes for entirely different interactions/outcomes.
(I say woman/man but the scenario still stands when women= any person smaller or weaker and man= any person with an inherent power/advantage over another. So if a big guy did the same to a weaker guy, the scene plays out the same as a powerful lady and the frail lady, or a strong lady and smaller guy.)
Here we go, someone mentions how an issue affects men and it's instantly shut down with "well women have it worse".
Just like men do to women online. It's almost like we're an absurd ape species that didn't evolve to appropriately handle the social tech we devised for ourselves. So much of online fighting is fake as hell too. What a stupid fucking ape creature we are.
I feel like with men's issues it's more consistent, but as a man I probably notice it a lot more so who knows.
You must have missed my last paragraph. It doesn't matter the sex/gender of the person, but it does matter who holds the natural power/advantage in any situation. Being stronger, taller, quicker, larger, heavier, speaking first, and speaking louder are all innate advantages and any person can find themselves being any of those things depending on the situation they are in.
My pointing out that those are two separate situations and not equivalent experiences due to differing power dynamics is in no way shutting down or stopping the conversation. It is rather making space for there to be a better comparison to be made.
Being told to smile is inherently sexual in its nature, it's a demand to look prettier for the pleasure of the viewer/speaker. The statement is usually said unprovoked and carries the hint of threat from the speaker as they have set themselves up as the person with the power by simply making the demand first. The one being catcalled is automatically on the defense and has to choose to cooperate or refuse, both answers may come with a future physical/sexual threat. In this scenario you are prey and the predator's eye is on you (maybe for food, maybe for play).
Someone asking if you're mad, assumes they know you in some way even if just in passing. It also assumes you have some power that they fear your anger/upset and are hoping to mitigate it to protect themselves if possible. That question can come from a from a sincere place or an insincere one, but it really isn't a sexually inclined question. The question can be asked as concern for you, concern for themselves, or both. The person asking has the power of speaking first which forces you to respond -agree, refute, or ignore the statement. The asker then gives over the power to you, allowing you to direct the rest of the conversation with your response. In this situation you are the predator and the asker is the prey that is hoping that you already have a full belly.
Lastly in my previous comment I validated their experiences and even shared my own struggles with the particular issue they mentioned. I also acknowledged and empathized with the frustrations that come with the given situations.
So what's a better situational comparison of 'you are prey and the predator's eye is on you'?
The whole idea that it would be a demand is baffling to me.
Nope. It's the same way as people might think someone looks happy, we just look at faces and try to interpret their emotions. And some people's faces set off the "looks angry" assumption.
Taking the stance that someone else is a predator based on how they look and you might be their prey. And not only that, saying that aloud to them. Can be pretty damn insulting.
-The comic literally states that he should smile more and that is a demand on how he should be. If he wanted to smile he would.
-The angry face is a thing that I acknowledged and agreed with, and said I had experience with in my first comment. Please re-read for better comprehension.
-My sentence"...even if just in passing" implies the inclusion of someone who you may not otherwise interact with. Strangers who talk to you are inherently in a more intimate category than strangers who don't talk/interact to you.
-Saying that the people in the situations given are in positions akin to predator and prey is an apt analogy. It is not saying someone turns into a bear and the other a fish. There are many shifts of power during conversations and not acknowledging the natural and situational power dynamics does everyone a disservice.
I never once said that someone's looks were the reason they were the predator/prey in a situation.
"If you like X you should visit Y, you'd probably really like it"
"How dare you demand I visit Y!"
LOL