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A community for anyone to ask autistic people questions: non-autistic people to learn about the autistic experience and autistic people to get information or validation from their peers.

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How do you deal with autism stigma? (lemmy.autism.place)

submitted 3 days ago by VanHalbgott@lemmy.autism.place to c/askautisticpeople@lemmy.autism.place

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I’ve been stigmatized by many people throughout my life because I involuntarily do things they often criticize me for because they think I’m doing it all on purpose but I’m not.

People stigmatize me because they aren’t very accepting of me or they blame me for my actions claiming I should be responsible for them or they treat me like a regular person who they think tolerates what they call discipline even though they don’t understand.

What do I think? At the end of the day, it’s all about what you believe in: nobody’s wrong about anything, everyone could’ve handled it better even if they’re doing the best they can, and personally I think other people don’t define who you are whether they know you or not because it’s hard to tell anymore what is right or wrong…at least that’s what I’m told.

Even arguing with my parents produces stigmatic responses because I did something unusual in front of them: everyone I run into does that, and I didn’t even do it on purpose.

But they do tell me some good advice though, and while they’re not perfect they’re not bad.

I bring this up because I argued with my father at home before we calmed down and apologized to each other and made up for it.

No other person has that deep a relationship besides some friends and families I know from another place, and while religion is unpopular on Lemmy I follow Christianity which gives my life a purpose and a better meaning than just personal success like everyone else.

No one’s perfect, but everyone’s fine that way.

Who else faces autism stigma daily like me?

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[–] Orchidaceae@lemmy.autism.place 3 points 3 days ago* (last edited 3 days ago) (1 children)

I am really low on energy today and so can't write as much as I'd like to, but did want to comment and at least say you're not alone.

I, too, am a Christian and generally don't mention it online due to the criticism that usually follows. A combination of conflicts (at least one of which was exacerbated by my autism) and the response to the COVID-19 pandemic and the politics that followed completely undermined my faith in the church as an institution; I have not attended church in several years. Suffering autistic burnout makes that worse since that significantly exacerbates all the sensory issues too. Sadly it is Christians (at least in my experience) that tend to have the poorest understanding of mental health and neurodivergent conditions such as ASD.

The majority of being stigmatized/being made to feel like I didn't belong was during my childhood and teen years. These days I am well-versed at masking (which is a separate problem) and so don't attract negative attention in the same way anymore (though I still don't feel like I fit in in a lot of places). I have slowly educated my family as I have learnt more about autism over the past couple of decades and whilst some of the extended family are still difficult to deal with, my immediate family has a much, much better handle on it these days and occasionally even surprises me with their level of awareness.

As for friends and acquaintances, I no longer have the time or energy to deal with people who can't at least make an effort to see where I'm coming from, ASD or not. This year has seen me realise I need to cut a few more people out of my life, as they are not good for me and my mental health.

[–] VanHalbgott@lemmy.autism.place 2 points 2 days ago

I don’t blame you either.

I think most of the discrimination I get comes from my teachers from elementary school who would stigmatize their special needs students and do things like scream at them or make them watch them throw away their favorite foods like cake because they claim they don’t cooperate with them even though they’re all different people in same classroom.

And while my life has been problematic already, other people still get under my skin.

I once ruminated about missing earbuds in a treatment facility unit and a staff there set me off so badly another one snapped at me for it.

Years later, I would try an autism program that despite touting autistic adults working jobs while living in apartments, they still treat me no different than anyone else because they have no idea why I behave the way I do there.

I’ve done some outlandish things in my life and people still have no idea how my autism works even though I’ve been a special needs person neglected by the public all the whole time.

And my parents still think I can just improve and they took me back home with them because I eventually did the right thing and called a crisis center because the program I was in put my life in danger and people still scolded me for it because I mishandled it.

I have what everyone calls ‘high-functioning autism’ but my life is perpetually broken.

And because people claim to be helpful all the time, I’m told to accept that or no one will.

There are so many people I reject because of it and seemingly no one believes I’m different because everyone wants me to change so I can be good in their image and be a successful person in general like the others.

It just seems like everyone has a lack of empathy or knowledge of how autism works instead of philosophy, discipline, and generally no respect for how so many of us work.

And that’s exactly how I sought help twice in the first place and I’m still not happy about all the people in my life whatever I or they do.