this post was submitted on 23 Oct 2024
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This is a misery of their own making, men have no hand in that!
We're too busy doing the same thing to ourselves.
I mean it certainly depends on your social circle, but not really?
Generally speaking, men aren’t as mean to each other as women are, but we’re also not as supportive.
So there's nothing you think twice about doing because society (specifically other men) will probably give you shit about it?
Sure, a healthy and confident person learns to ignore it -- but it's dishonest to say it isn't a pervasive thing. Maybe you're fortune enough to live in a place where isn't it's not as bad as elsewhere, but not everyone does.
I mean I try to chose t-shirts with a minimal amount of holes^^ (which is unfortunately a problem for merino-wool I like to wear (because comfort)). But other than that I basically give a shit, about what I wear, I don't think anyone else cares much about it either, nor do I. It's also not a thing that anyone spoke to me about it so I guess I'm fine?
I think it's a lot of internalized pressure and overthinking about what to wear, so why do it, when no one really cares?
Yes, exactly that. What I'm saying it's it's a lot more common than it has any right to be -- at least in the USA. I'm legitimately happy if you're insulated from it and/or have the self confidence to see it for what it is and brush it off. I'm of the same mind on that in that I have the confidence to laugh at it and ignore it.
I'm talking about the men that don't, and how unfortunately it's a huge problem. My experience has been the opposite: I'm in a "skilled" male dominated blue-collar job: the amount of dysfunctional, toxic masculinity I see on a daily basis is wild. Even when I was "white collar" it was there, if to a lesser degree.
A lot of guys of all ages are deeply insecure and are falling into the "traditional manhood" grift to the detriment of themselves and those around them. The extreme examples like incels, Andrew Tate, right-wing ideas on "manhood", "trad" idiots gaining momentum are a symptom of a far more widespread problem.
I guess that's what I meant with "it depends on your social circle".
I'm a programmer (in europe btw. not sure if this is really a culture thing) around cool dudes (in my job, as I think this is where all of this mostly applies), probably helps, that they don't give too much a shit about "prestige" and clothing etc. as well. If I had to do with a lot of "VIP" trying to sell something, the situation may be different.
Well kinda sad to hear that, I think it's much more important what the person is about "on the inside" (i.e. if talking bullshit, or being highly intelligent or super informed, arrogant, socially intelligent etc.) than how they look from the outside (I mean within limits, If I can smell the person from a far distance, it's probably too much...).
Obviously the inside/outside thing often correlates. When someone always wears fancy-dancy suits with a tie while not required, they're probably a douche^^, shallow or having to prove something otherwise (like "I'm very important"). But after a first impression I think the "inside" dominates the perception, and defines the person... That's at least my assessment, and why I don't give too much shit about what the person is wearing...
YMMV