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How do I stop slef sabotage and procrastination? (mander.xyz)

submitted 1 month ago by Mothra@mander.xyz to c/asklemmy@lemmy.ml

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I used to be good at time management and very motivated in my career. Then about two years ago I lost a close friend over a strong disagreement and then lost my job.

Slowly but surely I became a bit depressed and had some physical health issues. I'm seeing a therapist already, and a few months ago I finally managed to get a plebe job at a retailer, but when it comes to doing my personal work that would open doors in my industry I just can't seem to find the time and motivation to do it.

Don't get me wrong. I got plenty of time available, I just find myself being ridiculously avoidant or distracted or tired, you get the idea. And, no, I don't use social media much, I don't videogame or binge shows. I just get distracted with house chores or simply overthinking.

I've already tried lists, planning and goal setting ( all this comes naturally to me), but it makes no difference.

I've tried reducing the expectations and goals, no difference. I still don't do anything.

I tried apps to keep track of my progress; also useless.

I've even considered finding a life coach, but I get the feeling they're a scam. Unfortunately I don't have any friends or relatives that can help me stay on track with my goals.

TLDR I'm getting a bit desperate here. Any suggestions welcome. Thanks.

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[–] dharmacurious 16 points 1 month ago (4 children)

Don't sabotage Slef. He's a good dude, who's had a hard life.

In all seriousness, though, I'd love an answer to this as well. It's hard once you find yourself in a cycle of procrastination. You get used to allowing yourself to put things off, and it makes it harder to get back into the habit of doing them right when you should.

A few things that help me:

Do it right now. Remember that you left that important thing in the car? Haul your ass out there and get it now, because it gets trampled under foot and lost. Eat a bowl of cereal? Wash the bowl now, not later. Later doesn't ever get here. There's always more later when you think later is going to be.

Meditation. Try it. If nothing else, you get a nice little break from whatever your normal routine is, which in itself can help you shake things up. 5 minutes of deep breathing and focus can do wonders. I'm not great at meditating, and sometimes I wonder if I'm even actually doing it, but 5 minutes of breathing is better than not doing 5 minutes of breathing.

Set really small goals. Like, ridiculously sillily small goals. Goals you'd set for a small child. It will feel silly, and childish, and you maybe will feel embarrassed about it, but "I will brush my teeth" or "I will clean that dish" or "I will wash my face"

They're things you're going to do anyway, but turning them into a goal gives you a sense of accomplishment, and allows you to get into a habit of completing goals. Gradually increase the goals, and gamify life. It makes you feel accomplished, gives you a sense of progression, and helps to set a pattern you can use going forward.

I hope these things help, or that you find something that does.

[–] Mothra@mander.xyz 4 points 1 month ago (3 children)

To some extent I'm already doing some of these things and it's not hard to do house chores and personal hygiene (fortunately. I guess one can always get worse). My problem is specific to one area (career) and everything ties into it.

I'll try the meditation. I'm not convinced though. If you have any recommendations, shoot them. I used to do meditation for a while years ago and it felt like a waste of time, but, I'll admit back then I had none of these problems.

[–] dharmacurious 2 points 1 month ago

The small goals part isn't about setting goals you currently need in addition to what you're already doing. It's about setting goals you know you can reach with minimal or no effort. By doing that, you create a pattern of "winning," of achieving. It can help translate into other areas by tricking your brain into wanting to set more and more goals.

And career specifically is a tough one. Hygiene and food and shelter is all natural to us, but going out and working in an office or for a boss isn't the natural state of the human animal. It's something cultural we created for ourselves, and as such it can be a harder area to push yourself into in a lot of ways. It takes a different part of the brain, y'know?

Depression's a helluva drug, and it can make everything seem terribly difficult, but when it finds one area to really fuck you in, it can be so horrible to find any motivation. Especially in those areas that are outside of our evolutionary instincts. Have you considered speaking with a professional about medication? The meditation and the gamifying and such have helped me some, at the advice of a shrink, but medication is what got me through my early 20s. I'd be dead today without it.

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