this post was submitted on 08 Oct 2024
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Thanks for the kind words/wishes yesterday, and low for reaching out
I just want to clarify in case I've sent the weekly message, I'm okay. Well I'm about 30% okay, but I'll get through it.
I left because over the last few months I've really just felt like a burden pretty much any time I say anything. It's not entirely because of what I say, but I think more often because I realise that everyone else, whether here or not, has much larger issues, while I'm off complaining about minor things in approximately 7,000 worse per comment. I tried to fix that by cutting down on what I say, how often I'm here, and by trying to help other people when I could, or otherwise try and be openly empathetic (I used to hold off because I thought that "aw I'm sorry such and such is happening to you. Hope it stops happening soon!" sounded too much like a hollow statement, despite finding it very helpful when people would reply to my troubles similarly). But usually I ended up figuring out a way to make it about me, which was pretty awful of me, and I almost deleted my account a few weeks ago when I realised. But I took a little break instead
The break doesn't seem to have helped, I think I'm just genuinely shit at anything that's not a 1 sided dialogue. I hate that, and to be honest, kind of despise myself for it. Probably a side effect of not having many friends when I was younger so not developing proper social skills, and being in care for so long, where everything very much is one sided and hollow. But in any case, it's a deficit that I realise I have, and can't seem to be able to fix. But I think because of that, I'm not a very good person to interact with, so until I do work it out, I just don't think I do anyone any good being around here
But I do sincerely appreciate the help and advice everybody here had given me. You are all amazing people, and I'm sorry for the troubles I've caused
I'll be back one day, but I don't think I should come back until I know I can do better. I actually think that may come naturally once I move out and into an environment more conducive to good mental helath
✌️
Much love to you Baku. No one has this thing called life figured out, those that look like they do are just pretending. You'll be okay, and we'll be here when you're ready to come back.
Baku, you are NOT a burden. For many of us you're a shining light. Social skills is something we all struggle with from time to time, and you do as well as any and better than some. Growing up is hard work, and even harder for those that are self-aware. I, for one, value very much your willingness to communicate. We may never meet you in person, but I think we all have a pretty strong liking for you, and much respect for your courage and good heart.
But you do you. We will be here when you feel you are ready to resume transmission.
Hey Baku. It's the internet. It's hard to get the right tone across. I think everyone has failed at that atleast once. You're a bright young man. Don't hold a grudge against yourself.
All the freaky people make the beauty of the world - Michael Franti.
Dude, what you’ve been through and are still doing isn’t a small struggle. It can and does result in ptsd. There’s no reason to be sorry, there has been no trouble caused.
You take all the space you need to settle though, there’s no pressure. Lemmy will still be here
Hang in there, Baku. We all have different troubles and we all deal with them in different ways, and yours are no less important than anyone else’s. Writing stuff down and having a vent can actually be helpful in dealing with things, I reckon, and I don’t think anyone here minds if you do that.
I also get what you mean about not knowing what to say when you want to sympathise with other people - I feel like that, too. Can’t quite find the words to say what I really mean, or worry that it comes across as trite. It can be so much harder in print rather than in person, without the extra nuance.
Studying can be stressful, too. Take care of yourself and I hope you’re feeling better soon; do come back when you’re ready.
~~I feel exactly the same way. With the one-sidedness, hollow statements, social skills. Can I just say, I come here and complain about the most trivial shit and somehow I'm still welcome here?~~
For what it's worth, we've all got big and small things going on. A cool part about being human is getting to talk about what's happening in our lives. We are social creatures. Your story and your presence is part of this community. It is one part of the awesome mosaic we've got on here, and helps make the community what it is.
I'd like to think many people go home and talk about their days to the people they live with, if they don't live alone. This is one way of doing that.
You have caused the opposite of trouble. In fact, I look forward to reading your updates. Rooting for you.
P.S. your train knowledge is very impressive. I have a feeling you'd be fun to train spot with.
Hope to see you around again in the future if/when you feel up to it - will miss you a little in the meantime!