this post was submitted on 24 Sep 2024
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Lemmy Be Wholesome
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Ideally yes. This is me and Mrs. Warp Core and I wouldn't change it for the world.
However...
Well, let me put it this way. Ever have a best friend that, after spending a lot of time around, you find out that you actually can't stand more than a few hours at time? That is absolutely a possibility here. Only now their stuff is in your house (or vice-versa), and/or they're on the same lease.
$0.02: It may not always be advisable, but absolutely benchmark the practical aspects of your romance long before tying the knot. Long-term co-habitation is not the only route here. Consider other ways to rack up large blocks of time: getaway vacations, long weekends, or even just "play house" for a few days at a time. You'd be amazed at what horrible, terrible, filthy, obnoxious habits your partner has when "at home." The reality is that everyone is a bit (more) of a mess in private, and the only real question you have to answer is: "what am I willing to put up with?"
I took a getaway vacation with a woman I had been dating for 3 months. We got back and haven't corresponded since then. That was a few years ago.
I'm a full blown mess in private or public, they know what they're getting into before seeing me at home. I have no shame
Exactly ... and a good way to do that is international budget travelling while you are still young (20-30 years of age).
It doesn't matter what you got right now in your 20s, borrow, scrape and ask for money wherever you both can and go travel to some foreign country on the most minimal budget you guys can afford.
Stay within safety margins of course ... don't stay in deep dark corners that cost a dollar and risk your lives.
Stay on the trip for about two or three months and you will both cement your relationship if not for the long term than for life. You will go through terrible situations, unsavoury situations, disgusting events ... but also see unbelievable things, beautiful images and people and cultures ... and best of all you will learn to trust one another completely with money, with time, with space, with your lives. You'll see the ugly sides of one another and you will learn what you like and dislike about one another and you will find out if you can accept all that or not.
The first five years of being with my wife, we went overseas as often as we could on the skin of our teeth ... and it was scary, terrible and absolutely fun and exhilarating for both of us. We saw Asia, India, North Africa and a dozen major European cities ... in the summers we got in the car and explored the Canadian west coast ... then the Canadian east coast.
Part of the inspiration was an older couple that we made friends with years ago. Before they got married in 1970, they took a motorcycle to Alaska, then down to Patagonia for a year ... they went through absolute hell and back and they are still together.
I still cannot fathom how anyone thinks it is a good idea not to do these things with another person before marrying them. My wife and I were both adamant that we live together and go on trips together and do "married" things long before we made that decision. I like to think we ironed out many of the early kinks without the pressure of "we're married so this absolutely has to work" lingering over us.
My sister did this with her then boyfriend by canoeing down the Mississippi River.