this post was submitted on 01 Sep 2024
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No Stupid Questions

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Hello. For context, I am in a university. I do not have any friends, and it feels like colleagues talk bad about me. This makes me quite hesitant to join any circles or attend seminars. I am not sure it is everyone who thinks bad about me though, I fear about asking. Yet I plan to do research, so I should attend seminars to learn current trends and stuffs. May I ask what I should do in such a situation? Are friends necessary, or not really? Also should I stop being in this environment and get a job instead? Thanks for reading lengthy paragraph, I would love any comments or advice for this.

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[โ€“] monsterpiece42@reddthat.com 50 points 2 months ago (7 children)

If you're autistic, there's a good chance that autistic masking is the root cause here. If you have social anxiety especially, your mask will kick in automatically (subconsciously) and come off as fake to most people, and they will not like you for it. A quick test for this is, are you good at making a good first impression or short time of friendship and then it kinda falls off with time? If yes, masking is likely in play. I highly recommend the book Unmasking Autism even if you're not autistic. It applies to others as well and it is excellent.

The short term (maybe long term..?) solution is to make autistic friends. They'll understand "the weird" and it should be much simpler. Try searching around your local area for autism or neurodivergent clubs and see how you feel around other similarly-minded people.

[โ€“] jadedwench@lemmy.world 1 points 2 months ago

Autistic and neurodivergent people are the only ones I can even begin to relax enough to have a conversation. I have a lot of baggage and being undiagnosed in school was extremely damaging. I love to talk, but I make people uncomfortable. So I usually just sit quietly somewhere, move seats/tables as bigger groups want the space, and eventually leave once the anxiety/torture becomes too overwhelming.

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