Thank you Nome @NomedaBarbarian
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@NomedaBarbarian on Twitter:
Thinking about how I've been lied to as an #ADHD person about what habits are.
That apparently is not what neurotypical folks get to experience.
Habits are things that they do without thinking.
They don't have to decide to do them. They don't have to remember to do them. Things just happen, automatically, because they've done them enough for that system to engage and make them automatic.
That system...which I lack.
Every single time I have brushed my teeth, it's been an active choice. I've had to devote thought and attention to it. It's not a routine, it's not a habit, it's something that I know is good to do, and hopefully I can remember to do it.
Every single time I exercise, or floss, or pay my rent, or drink water, or say "bless you" when someone sneezes,
It's because I've had to actively and consciously engage the protocol.
It never gets easier.
Just more familiar.
It's part of my struggle with my weight--exercise never becomes a habit, and every single time I do it, it is exactly as hard as the first time. It takes exactly as much willpower & thought.
I got lied to about how it would just "turn into a habit". And blamed, when it didn't.
Drinking water isn't a habit. Feeding myself isn't a habit. Bathing isn't a habit.
I spend so much more energy, so much more time, so much more labor on just managing to maintain my fucking meat suit.
And now you want me to ALSO do taxes?
ON TIME?
Exercise never really gets easier, either mentally or physically. Even as a fairly neurotypical person, it's always easier to not work out than to work out. There's logical rationalizations that it's good for you and if you work out hard enough maybe your body will see fit to reward you with some endorphins, but it's only "habit" in so much that it's good self-discipline. I wouldn't lump it in with stuff like brushing your teeth at all.
I have to consciously remember to brush my teeth every time too, or maybe I notice my mouth tastes bad and that prompts me to do it, but I don't have like a little "bedtime routine script" inside my head that I can push "play" on. Maybe it's always hard for everyone and neurotypical people are just lying about habits?