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The original was posted on /r/sex by /u/ResidentK60 on 2023-07-28 03:46:05.
I’m (F) really really frustrated, sorry in advance if this post is long. I’ve never been able to finish, by myself or with my boyfriend. I’ve been masturbating for maybe like a year or so, maybe less, and not consistently. I don’t know if I just can’t figure it out or what. It’s so upsetting trying to find helpful advice on different sites and every one of them says the same thing: “just feel around and see what you like!” Dude if only it was that easy 😭😭 I’ve tried everything and I just can’t seem to find anything to do with my fingers that feels that good lmao. It only really feels good if my boyfriend is the one doing it.
By myself, vibrator or no vibrator, even if my boyfriend is with me I just can’t finish, I guess I’ve gotten somewhat close a few times. I think when I’m with him I tend to get a little excited and we go too rough at things in the beginning, so then when he’s giving me head or fingering me I’m a little desensitized I guess? (We haven’t had actual sex yet)
It’s almost like buildup of thinking about sexual stuff feels better than the real thing. Ugh. I tend to go at things with a vibrator slowly for a while when I’m by myself, and then eventually I realize that 45 minutes to an hour have already passed and I’m getting frustrated, so I speed up just a little, and then it starts feeling too intense/hurting and I have to stop, but if I don’t speed things up then I just stay right on the edge for what feels like forever. I get overstimulated easily I guess? 💀
I don’t know if maybe I’m doing things wrong. I really don’t like porn because it’s so male-oriented and you can always tell that the people doing it aren’t really in love I guess, and that’s the part that matters to me. Plus it kinda just makes me uncomfortable/cringe. I also have a hard time fantasizing and masturbating at the same time.
Anyways, it’s just annoying. The pattern is: me and my boyfriend do stuff, he finishes, I don’t, I have to go home because it’s late and my parents need me back, and I don’t even have the energy to try to masturbate because I know nothing is gonna happen. I just start to feel like I’m not enough sometimes, although my boyfriend has never said anything to make me feel that way and has always been super patient. I know he wants to do a good job and make me feel good, but I don’t even know what to tell him to do since I barely know what feels good myself lol.
I’ve had some trauma related to sexual stuff from about a year and a half ago, but I’m not sure if it really affects the sexual part of my life since I can usually go without thinking about it while doing that kind of stuff.
Am I broken? Am I doing something wrong? Ugh.
TLDR: I can’t orgasm by myself (vibrator or not) or with my boyfriend and I don’t know what else to do. Someone help me I’m so lost LMAO 💔