Ah...Yeah, this is definitely worse for recovering folks...I'd mainly thought of this from my perspective as a sober person, where it's a different sort of difficult. I've gotten the half-joking offers to try this or that & simply turn them down, but then sometimes it seems to make things a little awkward for those indulging when someone isn't and then I'm like, "...Er, right, yeah I guess why am I here if this is all we're doing (except me)"

I know there are groups/events I could join or attend that might connect me with people that are also more into sobriety or more mindful of their usage, but I haven't really found any that capture my interest yet.

It’s easier said than done, but you have to change your crowd. At least for a while; long enough to reinforce your commitment to yourself.

You fear relapse, understandable. To say in one sentence that you’re a recovering alcoholic and then ask if people really need it to relate to others is what I call the “quit hangover”. You’ve spent a lot of time making those things ugly to yourself, and convincing yourself you don’t want them. Some part of you is angry they get to have them and you don’t. No judgement, I’ve been that guy. It doesn’t feel very good to be that guy. You might become more comfortable and you might not, but understand everyone is just doing their best.

huggo

I don’t know where you are in the world but you certainly don’t need cigarettes or alcohol to have fun. Find friends who enjoy going to the coffee shops, food trips and if time allows, nature (as in hiking or resorts). In my experience, the first two don’t allow alcohol and cigarettes so you’re most likely be able to find people who don’t smoke and drink.

Also, find more health conscious people. They typically don’t drink and smoke as well. Depending on where you are, activities that takes place in doors and around families also don’t allow those substances. So inviting friends to something like a bowling or cinema works.

You just got to research the hang out spots for health minded people ans/or family friendly ones.

Don’t go to bars. Those are definitely a space where alcoholics gather.

I never drank and smoked in my life (nearing 30s now), and I can relate how hard it is to avoid gatherings that doesn’t outright requires alcohol and smokes.

You just got to be more diligent with picking your social circles. My friends are smaller, but at least I know they won’t pressure me to drink and smoke.

Some more ideas: Libraries, book clubs, alcohol-fre bars, gaming, art clubs, etc. find ones that align with your hobbies :)