(shamelessly stolen from an imgur dump)
3, because it’s actually kind of useful.
this post was submitted on 15 Nov 2023
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3 and 5. I would wreak so much havoc, it'd be fucking great
What would you do with 5?
Why the hell doesn't anyone want to communicate with oysters? They probably have a lot to say! Also you could just drop an oyster in a board room or something and learn trade secrets.
They still don't have ears. You can talk to them, but they can't hear anyone else.
I imagine all of these powers come as the worst possible implementation like a cursed rabbit's foot.
Like free gravel for life: you don't conjure it out of thin air at will, no, it's magically mailed to you once a day in small quality and you have to remove it from your mailbox or it'll fill it up.
Teleport 7 inches: a magic nimbus appears and lifts you on it. If there's a wall in the way, it just keeps shoving you against the wall.