this post was submitted on 28 Sep 2023
385 points (97.5% liked)

RPGMemes

10308 readers
294 users here now

Humor, jokes, memes about TTRPGs

founded 1 year ago
MODERATORS
 
all 36 comments
sorted by: hot top controversial new old
[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 73 points 1 year ago (5 children)
  1. Burn the body.
  2. Kill a stranger.
  3. Wear a disguise.
  4. Hide the head.
  5. Cast Speak With Dead yourself so nobody else can.

There are many ways to keep a witness from identifying you. You just need to be creative.

Yes DM, this comment right here.

[–] TwilightVulpine@kbin.social 27 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I see you have a lot of experience in the field

[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 12 points 1 year ago

I'm writing a murder mystery adventure in my spare time, so... Yeah, it came up.

[–] dylanmorgan 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Depending on the edition, speak with dead requires the corpse to have a working jaw, so just destroy that. If you hide the head, someone can just find it.

[–] Cylusthevirus@kbin.social 10 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Why hide it? A maul is cheap.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Cylusthevirus@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Mending fixes a single tear or break in an object. No way should that work on a head that's been splattered halfway across the Sword Coast.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago (1 children)

A skull is an object(since Mending can repair wine skins, which are made of animal product, it just can't be a living thing), and all the breaks are just breaks. So, you acid off all the nonessential bits, puzzle the skull (or just the mouthy bits) back together and then mend the cracks. Done, a perfectly usable Speak with the Dead target. Would anyone do this in real life? Definitely, since there's so much info you could get. I'd let It play as DM

[–] Cylusthevirus@kbin.social 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)

And if you can't find all the pieces, what then? And even if you did, assuming a human skull is an "object" (which I dispute), there will certainly be more than a single tear or break. So what, is each pair of puzzle pieces now an object you can cast mend on?

I don't think that matches the intention of the spell at all.

Although CSI Faerun would be kinda fun, so maybe I'd allow it.

[–] chuckleslord@lemmy.world 5 points 1 year ago

Can't find all the important pieces, it doesn't work, simple as that.

RAW, you can cast mending multiple times on the same object to fix multiple breaks, so that should be fine.

It's got the right level of complete nonsense, excruciating tedium, and hilarious results I love to see at the table.

[–] Jax@sh.itjust.works 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Can a dead body without a tongue still speak when affected by speak with the dead?

[–] Thisfox@sopuli.xyz 3 points 1 year ago

I believe the requirement is jaw not tongue.

[–] Fedizen@lemmy.world -1 points 1 year ago (1 children)
  1. Mixing character knowledge with player knowledge
[–] Susaga@ttrpg.network 6 points 1 year ago

This is all stuff you'd have a reason to know in character when a setting includes something as impactful as the ability to use the dead as a witness. If the victim can be a witness, you need to either fool or silence the victim post-mortem.

[–] MudMan@kbin.social 21 points 1 year ago (3 children)

Hm. That raises a lot of questions about how people keep killing each other constantly when the job of coroner, lab scientist and homicide detective can all be performed perfectly accurately by a single wizard, as long as he's prone to long naps.

[–] The_Picard_Maneuver@startrek.website 15 points 1 year ago (1 children)

The thought of this is hilarious.

"Johnson! There's been a multiple homicide and you're needed at the precinct. And here's a box of Ambien. You're going to need it"

[–] Khrux@ttrpg.network 9 points 1 year ago

I could absolutely see a cleric having the roll of coroner / mortician being able to perform holy rights for the body, and preserving it via gentle repose but also being able to use spells like speak with dead for investigation.

Coroner is a really interesting position, with it's etymology lying in the word crown (i.e. Corona). This is due to its position being appointed by the crown, a position that's hard to fill due to a wide range of expertise being required, from law to medicine to funerary rites etc.

In a setting or region of a setting with either a joined church and state or where the church are active in the legal proceedings of their community, perhaps the role of investor and coroner is a single position performed by a grave cleric, as long as they take long naps of course.

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 4 points 1 year ago

Hahaha, raises, nice

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 12 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (2 children)

In this thread: Some fantasy heroes with suspiciously significant and specific experience getting away with fantasy realm murder. All for the greater good of the fantasy realm, I am sure.

This is also why I have to build all of my key NPC story roles as ready to lift-and-shift to a new NPC in case the planned NPC "has an accident".

[–] VindictiveJudge@lemmy.world 6 points 1 year ago (1 children)

This is also why I have to build all of my key NPC story roles as ready to lift-and-shift to a new NPC in case the planned NPC “has an accident”.

I call this the Babylon 5 approach to plot/character design.

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 4 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] teft@startrek.website 2 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago) (1 children)
[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 1 points 1 year ago

Oh right. I always forget that Zarthas is Zarthas brother.

Yeah, I'm going to have to remember some of these tips people are sharing...

[–] 15liam20@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Five questions? Seems arbitrary.

[–] Pistcow@lemm.ee 8 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] teft@startrek.website 3 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Wait, was that a question?

[–] lord_ryvan@ttrpg.network 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)
[–] Pistcow@lemm.ee 1 points 1 year ago

Are you sure about that?

[–] teft@startrek.website 8 points 1 year ago

I cast Disintegrate.

[–] JackLSauce@lemmy.world 7 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I mean... She is speaking to the dead in that scene...

[–] MajorHavoc@lemmy.world 3 points 1 year ago

Ouch. Meta-thought headache. My brain was ignoring that fact. It's speak-with-dead all the way down...

[–] sammytheman666@ttrpg.network 4 points 1 year ago

Takes notes...

[–] CookieJarObserver@burggit.moe 3 points 1 year ago

I mean just steal the skin of a other person and afterwards arson.