Parenting

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All you need is "love" (feddit.de)

submitted 1 year ago by barttier@feddit.de to c/parenting@lemmy.world

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My wife continues to use Reddit and the german counterpart to this community. A user got in touch and asked what you could do if you had become listless and anxious as a result of your interaction with the child. The key question was probably: "Where do you get your strength from?" There were many answers that were aimed at constructive assistance, leisure time compensation, physical problems, or depression were considered in the comments and an offer of options on how to proceed.

But my wife was bothered by a comment and I think she was right. A user replied, her love would be enough. This is absolutely condescending and presumptuous because it assumes that the desperate parent who is trying to get better would love their child less or that it is their own fault.

I just wanted to get rid of that, because due to my job as a kindergarten teacher (or is it educator?) I am often confronted with thoughtless statements that may even have been meant nicely, but don't bother to take a foreign position or to find a sustainable solution.

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[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 11 points 1 year ago

Parents beat their kids supposedly out of love. Love is not a guiding force or a source of strength. My daughter is 13 and has various (not serious but still challenging) conditions which need to be overcome and it's very tiring. I get my strength from my hope for her future. It is what keeps me going. My hope, and I guess my fear that if I don't, her future will not be a good one.

I absolutely love her with every fiber of my being, but if love was all you needed to give you strength, there wouldn't be so many divorces.

[–] koolkiwi@lemmy.world 8 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

Yeah, what a rubbish statement. Our daughter is four months now, and we get out strength from the fact that she sleeps pretty alright at night, doesn't scream much, and by giving each other daughter breaks on a regular basis. I spend a couple of hours playing board games with friends, she goes to see a movie with a friend, stuff like that. "All you need is love" is super toxic.

Edit: this was actually the first occasion where I went back and commented on Reddit (via browser with ad blocker, of course!) just because it is such a bloody stupid statement.