this post was submitted on 20 Aug 2024
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The Internet in Ancient Times

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Welcome to the stone age... or the bronze age... or the iron age... heck, anything with an 'age' is welcome, except our modern age or any ages to come.

This is about what the internet was like thousands of years ago back when it all started. Like when Darius the Great hired mercenaries via Craigslist or when Egypt invented emojis.

CODE OF LAWS

1 - Be civil. No name calling, no fighting, keep your flint hand axes inside your leather pouches at all times.

2 - Keep the AI stuff to a minimum. It gets annoying and old fashioned memes are more fun for everyone.

3 - None of this newfangled modern 21st century nonsense. We don't even know what "21st century" means.

4 - No porn/explicit content. The king is sensitive about these things.

5 - No lemmy.world TOS violations will be tolerated. So there.

6 - There is no ~~rule~~ law 6.

Laws of justice which Hammurabi, the wise king, established. A righteous law, and pious statute did he teach the land. Hammurabi, the protecting king am I. I have not withdrawn myself from the men, whom Bel gave to me, the rule over whom Marduk gave to me, I was not negligent, but I made them a peaceful abiding-place. I expounded all great difficulties, I made the light shine upon them. With the mighty weapons which Zamama and Ishtar entrusted to me, with the keen vision with which Ea endowed me, with the wisdom that Marduk gave me, I have uprooted the enemy above and below (in north and south), subdued the earth, brought prosperity to the land, guaranteed security to the inhabitants in their homes; a disturber was not permitted. The great gods have called me, I am the salvation-bearing shepherd, whose staff is straight, the good shadow that is spread over my city; on my breast I cherish the inhabitants of the land of Sumer and Akkad; in my shelter I have let them repose in peace; in my deep wisdom have I enclosed them. That the strong might not injure the weak, in order to protect the widows and orphans, I have in Babylon the city where Anu and Bel raise high their head, in E-Sagil, the Temple, whose foundations stand firm as heaven and earth, in order to bespeak justice in the land, to settle all disputes, and heal all injuries, set up these my precious words, written upon my memorial stone, before the image of me, as king of righteousness.

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[–] satanmat@lemmy.world 61 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Unnecessary tech. Just one more thing to break. They will change the knock in a few years so I have to get a new one.

Damn planned obsolescence.

I heard some kids at the watering hole talking about hunting with a bow.

What they are going to give that mammoth a new hair doo. The hell ??

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 27 points 2 months ago (1 children)

You are so right. Everything's made to break these days. This guy traded me a copper axe for some flint nodules... damn thing got dull after four or five chops. I went right back to stone!

[–] RamblingPanda@lemmynsfw.com 8 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Who provided the copper ingots? Was it Ea-nāṣir?

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago (1 children)

How am I supposed to know? He gave me a piece of clay with a bunch of wedges in it and looked at me with this expression that made it look like I was supposed to know what that meant. Anyway, it was his loss. I can get more flint by the river whenever I want.

[–] Dasus@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago
[–] Barzaria@lemmy.dbzer0.com 55 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 53 points 2 months ago

At least I hunt for my food. You're probably one of those farming wimps I've heard about. Is that what you do, farm boy? Plow fields? Sow seeds? Typical pussy liberal shit.

[–] leftzero@lemmynsfw.com 30 points 2 months ago (2 children)

A SPEAR

Hypocrite.

One stick, two sticks, who cares. If you want to throw a rock, throw it with your hand, as nature intended.

Tying it to the end of a stick is as much cheating as using another stick to make your arm longer.

Real rock throwers don't need sticks. If your arms aren't long enough that you're dragging your knuckles on the ground like our forefathers you're as weak as the kids you're criticising.

[–] FlyingSquid@lemmy.world 18 points 2 months ago (1 children)

Look, I'm sympathetic to the paleolithicconservative cause, but we can't throw out all progress just because of these uppity kids!

[–] leftzero@lemmynsfw.com 24 points 2 months ago

we can't throw out all progress

Well, of course with your puny little arms you can't...

[–] dudinax@programming.dev 6 points 2 months ago

Drops dead from a single shot at 50 yards

[–] drolex@sopuli.xyz 21 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

All they know is Magdalenian, use leverage, twerk, be hominidosexual, eat grain & lie

[–] spittingimage@lemmy.world 17 points 2 months ago (2 children)

All that modern tech, then I bet a grey-hair from Göbekli Tepe shows up in reed sandals and takes the silver with a throwing spear that doesn't even have fletching.

[–] Dkarma@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago

Lambda lambda lambda 💃

[–] don@lemm.ee 16 points 2 months ago

They see my atlatl, they hatin’

[–] Hazmatastic@lemm.ee 9 points 2 months ago

I thought those were the giant walking things on Hoth

[–] thejoker954@lemmy.world 9 points 2 months ago

I just see me stabbing either myself or the ground right in front of me with this thing.

[–] clif@lemmy.world 6 points 2 months ago (1 children)
[–] hungryphrog@lemmy.blahaj.zone 3 points 2 months ago

You call that a spear? That's barely long enough to be an arrow...

[–] LucidNightmare@lemm.ee 3 points 2 months ago

The odds of me running into this while listening to the Brotherband Chronicles book 2, where one of the characters use this same device, is astounding to me. I didn’t know what it was, but now I do. Thank you for sharing! On to book 3!

[–] ChronosTriggerWarning@lemmy.world 3 points 2 months ago* (last edited 2 months ago)

"When i joined the corps, we didn't have any fancy schmancy spears! We had sticks!"