As someone from the outside VTC is one of my favorite places on the fediverse. I've only talked to a couple people from your instance but they are amazing and wonderful to chat with! I think the atmosphere here is awesome even though I don't interact much. The meals and gardens and articles from here are great to see!
It sucks that people have to interfere with others. I'm sorry having your space open to everyone isn't going how you wanted. Maybe it will be more enjoyable for you as a user within a walled community instead of dealing with other stuff and the community will continue to grow.
Sincerely I hope you feel better about things and find your own peace and happiness, whatever form that takes. Good luck friends!