this post was submitted on 26 May 2024
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Bit of a shitty weekend. I don't really have anyone to talk to about this, so I guess you guys are it. I don't really wanna got into specifics, cause it may not happen and i don't want this to be identifiable. So I started looking at apartments over the weekend. Somethings happened and I'm just not sure this is sustainable. To the point where a small 2 bed unit and 50/50 custody is starting to look appealing.
We've got couples therapy booked for end of next month (something I've been requesting for a while now). Will see if they can help us figure some stuff out.
This is the first time I've said this stuff out loud, so even hitting that Post button is... tough. like I'm making it real or somethin.
Hey man. Coupling and parenting is tough, believe me I know. Among other things the constant tiredness is really something that makes relationships hard, communication becomes really hard and misunderstandings, assumptions, and unfortunately resentment can build pretty quickly and easily. We've been going to counselling for about 18 months this time around, had a break before that and before that about another year with a different therapist. Seems like we are in similar boats as I was requesting it for a fair while before my partner agreed. If I can give you some advice for the counselling....try to go in with a completely open mind, as in don't assume you know everything about the feelings involved, situational history etc. I had to come to terms with some stuff about myself pretty quickly that I didn't even realise I did/do... If you both go in ready to work on things, ready to understand the others viewpoint, ready to be honest...that's the best you can do. The people you were are likely still there, the things you love about your partner are likely still there, just that they're being hammered by responsibilities that no one knows the full extent of before having kids. I hope things improve for you, and you and your partner can have some real understanding and compassion for each other.
so much this...it's terrifying how quickly you can become antagonistic strangers to each other when you're both overloaded and stressed out to fuck. And then you have like, a conversation, and his huge beast of this is the end in your head just becomes this silly misunderstanding.
Cheers. You're absolutely right about communication. Never something we've excelled at. In retrospect really something we shoulda locked down BEFORE putting the relationship of a pressure cooker of a kid.