this post was submitted on 29 Aug 2023
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How do people handle this sort of thing in an IRL game? Do you roleplay romance with the DM? Is it weird?
Before you start a tabletop campaign, it can be helpful to talk with the players to establish a social contract - you should do this if you're playing with a new group. It's good to establish a number of things before you start playing - making sure everyone is on the same page, and has the same understanding of what game they're playing is vital for ensuring everyone has a good time - and most acrimony at a tabletop game comes from a clash in those expectations.
Let's say for example, one player thinks they're playing an adventure that's very PvE focused, all the characters will work together, and the players will take effort to make sure their characters get along. Another player thinks that each person is making their own characters with secret goals and motivations, and, during a critical encounter, backstabs the first player's character, killing them off. - Instant fallout.
The DM should arrange and talk with players, to make sure everyone understands what style of game is to be played, which things are acceptable at the table, and which things are red lines. This goes for game mechanics, party dynamic, the type of story being told, and roleplay content. Here are some good things to establish.
For roleplay content:
For expectations for the campaign.
Ask your players what they want to get out of the game, on an out-of-character level. Are they looking to practice improvisaion and roleplay? do they want to play the mechanical combat game? Do they want to be a big damn hero and win through encounters all the time, or do they want to experience failure and setbacks. Where do they want to be challenged etc.
What kind of story do they want to tell with their character? is it a journey of discovery, to uncover some secret about the world? are they just looking to fit in? do they not care and just want to kill goblins with a big hammer. Do they enjoy being a murderhobo, or do they want to have challenging serious roleplay etc.
Sit down and discuss these things with each player, and also with the group as a whole - make sure everyone understands that they are playing the same game, and in general your chances of having a blowout are much reduced.
Wizards of the Coast have done a phenomenally bad job at communicating this stuff - this is the "session zero prep" that you do before you make characters. A player needs to know the expected tone of the table and campaign before making decisions on what character to build. You don't want to spend a few weeks building a detailed nuanced character with a lot of backstory and hooks for a "dungeon crawl monster slaughter fest where characters die if they step on a trap" style of game. A few more recent modules have approached some parts of this (RotFM makes a point of instructing the DM to talk to the players about phobias, for example.) - but... in general the hobby is bad at providing new players and groups with these guidelines, and they're fundamental to having a good time at your tables.
If you don't establish these guidelines, then it's just luck if you find a group that you mesh with.
This is a bloody brilliant summary. Well done!