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Jk! Lol idk what I'm doing, I'm the new girl(I haven't been one that long) but general convo if anyone is interested?
Feeling super depressed atm. Getting my second face surgery on the 6th and feel like I have no hope for being desirable as a 200lb woman. I've been compulsively eating again at work and haven't been able to do intermittent fasting like I was doing to be able to lose 20lbs.
Oh girl! I'm so sorry to hear that. I wish I had some advice, but I'm still trying to figure it out for myself. I was trying to bulk, but now ๐คทโโ๏ธ
Im pre anything and still boymode nearly 100% but I'm rooting for you and wish the best!
I went through a similar hyper masculinizing phase.
Thank you.
I was trying to bulk, but now ๐คทโโ๏ธ
We seem to be very much alike, huh
Surgery is an extremely stressful thing! Feeling anxious about it is normal!
One thing that might help with with binging is packing absurd amounts of veggies as snacks. At one point my wife was bringing two pounds of green bell peppers to work every day so she could stress eat them. She started by just bringing fewer regular snacks, slowly replacing them with bell peppers until it was all peppers. That really helped her feel more in control and not guilty at all.
The other one was eating at least two cups of dark green veggies before every meal. She could still eat as much as she wanted, but she had to figure out a way to make the first two cups of food be dark green veggies like: bell peppers, broccoli, spinach, Brussels sprouts, etc. They didn't have to be raw either (raw dark green veggies often gives people gas) so she'd roast them with salt and oil so they were delicious. That way she was getting tons of fiber and vitamins, so she just felt better and had more energy to face life's stresses. That extra fiber also helps with blood sugar.
The trick is giving yourself permission to undo long habits and know that they often take as long to undo as they took to form.
If today was 1% better than yesterday, that's a win. Do it again tomorrow, and then the next day. You'll be making big changes in months and it won't be a big shock to the body and mind.
For myself, I was almost 200lb, and I eventually got down to 140lb, but it took years. All the tricks like keto, IF, IIFYM, etc were fine and helped, but ultimately what took a long time was changing my emotional relationship with food before I could stop binging. That took a long time. What finally helped a lot was just writing down everything I ate every day. I'd also use a CBT trick and write down for each meal how I was feeling emotionally. It is tedious, but it eventually helped my mind realize how much I was using food to fill an emotional hole. That still took about a year. So while some people can just decide to lose weight and do it, I first had to let go of that as an emotional crutch. And that was not as easy. But it was so worth the time and effort! It might take a long time to break that habit, but you can do it, and you won't regret it!
You got this girl, I'm rooting for you!
What an amazing post. Thank you.
Aww shucks thanks! Everyone deserves to love themselves at their current shape, but sometimes it's profoundly satisfying to form yourself into a shape that better fits who you want to be.
Woah. Take it easy on yourself, that's a lot to manage! You're going above and beyond right now.
How's this for conversation?
I feel a lot silly here because I do t remember being (allowed?) into feminine as a kid or (necessarily) into feminine things. But, do I like being a cis-male ๐ค๐ not 100%bso ๐
I'm down, but also kinda baked rn because I have a sinus infection and took cough meds for it ๐ฉ๐
Girl! Fuck sinus infections! I feel you, that like my go to illness, plus my other meds make the deliriousness from fucking dayquil 5x worse and I have to do 1/2 doses now. Shit sucks. + asthma, so the slightest drainage that hits my lungs....
I went to a pretty big local convention last weekend. Lots of people cosplaying and I wish I could have been a part of it but damn it's a lot of work and I didn't have the time to put together an outfit. Either way it was a lot of fun, I feel really lucky to pass but sometimes I wish I weren't so tall.
That sounds fun, I've wanted to go to one for so long but never made it. Cosplay can be cheaper. I've dressed up as Dr. Krieger from Archer a few times because I feel like we look so similar. I had most of the stuff so all I really needed was the lab coat. (side note, the "costume" la coats were just as expensive or more and incredibly shitty quality, so I just got a real one.
I'm kind of hoping now one day I can try cosplaying as Cheryl instead ๐คฃ but not sure I'd ever be able to pull it off.
I feel you on the height thing, though I will say, I was out shopping yesterday and passed several women taller than me, it caught me off guard, and then really surprised me to see they weren't wearing heels! I'm 5'11(~180cm) for reference.
Oh oh oh was it a video games / tabletop games / nerdy things convention? I wonder if we saw each other! I saw several tall women. All of whom looked stunning to me. The convention I went to had a queer cosplay runway, which was amazing.
I was only there on Sunday but I took it as an opportunity to come out to one of my best friends, and I tried presenting as vaguely feminine except for my hair being a disaster. It was such a particularly healing environment for me. Figuring out how the bits of my brain that often go into panic mode just quiet down when I'm more comfortable about how I see myself. Despite everything. (I hadn't done this with somebody I know before, so that was huge). So many accepting people. And I was conveniently colour matched with a giant pikachu :)
Pretty mixed tbh, violently swinging between being sure I am trans and being sure I'm not. Point for (and the big one) I wish I were a woman ๐, point against, I feel ugly in women's clothing
I feel you there. Although, the clothing thing doesn't mean you're not trans, it means you don't like your body.
I'ma hit you with this classic
Goddamn you're right, it's just scary lmao. My face is turbo masc, and will be for a while. Think I'm going to talk to my therapist about starting HRT
Fucking same!
Yes, it is! I wrestled with that realization for a while, I think I've more or less accepted it, but not sure what to do about it.
I'm conflicted on hormones. On one hand, yeah it would help a ton of things, but that's a huge step.
For me, I figure it'll decide once and for all whether it's right for me, if it turns out it isn't then I can just stop them. Everything feels like a huge step to me ATM, and feeling like a man in a dress is a problem for me. I wish I had the confidence some trans women have but I just don't, I need to at least vaguely pass before I'll feel cool socially transitioning
That is a great way to think about it, I think I was making a similar realization recently.
On the rest of it, are you me? I've said basically all of that before, some it in those same words! ๐คฃ
All I can think if slowly make ambiguous changes til I feel I can attempt to pass. An example would be to grow my hair out but deal with it differently depending where I'm at til at some point it could be long enough to do something clearly fem with it. My dad grew his out looking like an old hippie in retirement, so I could pass it off like that at first.
Yess that's the plan, got some finasteride for the balding so I can grow it out nice and long. GP just refused to prescribe me 5mg dose though :( yay transphobia
Sam's club has generic minoxidil that can be delivered for $20/6 month supply. That's what I'm trying atm. I think it was like $50 for the membership though. Meds are insanely cheap there though, so that alone feels like it makes up for it. I just got a derma roller to try out some microneedling too. I've only done it once but it's a bizarre feeling.
Ah the finasteride I've got is working, on a 1mg dosage because of hair loss, suddenly it's for trans issues and they're all fucking hesitant. Gonna speak to my therapist and see what they recommend, might just end up getting the lot privately anyway. Don't think Sam's club operates in the UK, thanks anyway though!
I was a little confused for a second, but oh shit I think I got it now. I double checked my insurance and it's a no on gender anything, so I guess it'd be the same.
I do know of several affirming care places near me, but I'm not brave enough to look into it too much yet.
You got this girl! Theres no rush and you can take all the time you need, but when you feel ready you can go down there and be the girl you were born to be!
I'm doing great! but my nipples are killing me ๐คฃ I'm going on 4 weeks on hrt
That sounds painfully exciting