this post was submitted on 21 Jun 2023
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Gaming

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So, hear me out.

I'm a 47 year old guy and I'm not ashamed to say that I enjoy video games. I always have, from playing Head over Heels on a Speccy +2 to ESO and Valorant on my self built PC.

Due to various life circumstances, I'm also on the dating scene and to most women I meet, around my age, video games are anathema. When I say that I like them it's usually meet with an "oh dear" or a "my son would probably love to talk to you about them, I find them really boring"

I have two boys, both teenagers, both play all the time and sometimes we all play together (although they are better as they have more time to apply to games). Their friends are amazed that I will talk about games with them, that I know someone about games and that I play games. None of their parents want to talk with them about what is effectively their main hobby that they do all the time (big sad).

So the question, there must be some sort of cut off age at which video games are no longer an acceptable pastime. Is it absolute age based (nothing after 35) or is it something to do with the progression of games into popular culture and people born after, say, 1986 will not see it as unacceptable?

I don't have an answer, I just think it's an interesting question. Thanks for reading, let me know what you think!

Edit to add: I'm not planning on stopping through peer pressure, just wondering about the phenomenon!

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[–] pyro@pathfinder.social 2 points 1 year ago

As a few others have mentioned its mainly a generational thing. Video games are still "recent" and you are/were at the point that it was just starting to catch. Keep looking and hopefully you will get someone of the same mind set you are

[–] SpaceCadet2000@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

I'm about your age (48) and game. I don't think there's a cut-off date as such, but it's a little bit of several things.

There is certainly a generational angle. When we were growing up in the 80s and early 90s, playing computer games was definitely not an activity targeted at adults, and gamers were generally seen as geeks and nerds. This changed of course, but other people who grew up at the same time as us but never got into games may still hang onto that image.

Gender also plays a role, women our age are a lot less likely to have ever been into games. My girlfriend for example has no problems with it but she never gamed herself and doesn't really understand it. If I think of female friends and acquaintances, I know only one woman who games as well, but she's already 8 years younger.

There's also the fact that many men do in fact grow out of gaming as they get older, start to have more responsibilities and less free time and when other interests and hobbies start to compete for that limited free time. I notice that in myself too, it's a lot less important to me now than it was 25 years ago.

Then there's the slightly uncomfortable fact that many women simply find it unattractive when a man lists gaming as a hobby, and see it as a red flag, perhaps because they associate it with certain stereotypes of people who are obsessive about it and whose whole personality revolves around gaming, perhaps because they have previous bad experiences with it, or perhaps because it's something they simply can't relate with. Maybe gamers are to women what "horse girls" are to men? :)

I think the best way to handle it on the dating scene is to show that you're a functioning adult with a well rounded personality and a variety of interests, who just happens to game as well. At the end of the day, you have to have enough common ground to start a relationship with someone.

[–] WytchStar@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago

There's no cutoff. Find a better dating pool.

[–] Roko@lemmy.click 2 points 1 year ago

It's a relatively new form of entertainment. Books, theater, movies and TV all have had more time to develop and become culturally relevant. Video games are young and have had a steep growth curve in terms of innovation, scope, and market share. I feel it will become more and more common for older folks to play games and it will become more and more acceptable and normal. I feel that mobile gaming is legit also and people might not realize that their Candy Crush or Solitaire games are video games! It's a wide and versatile type of entertainment so the people who consume it will be as well.

[–] Dietlama@lemmy.ca 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I’m 40, but I play online with quite a few people who are my age or older. On the dating scene, I wouldn’t know because I’ve been married 19 years, but I’d guess that there is some reluctance from women (especially those who don’t also play) to have a partner who would fit the stereotypical “gamer ignoring his girlfriend” or dude who’s a misogynistic dick online who uses games as a way to flex his imaginary hyper masculinity.

My move has always been, and will always be, to prioritize people in the room, especially her, when I’m in the headset. If that means we lose, we lose. It’s just a game (though I love them and often get totally immersed). Most of my longtime gaming friends with families (I have two kids as well) completely understand, and I do the same when they have IRL interruptions.

As for if there’s a cutoff? HELL NO.

As for if there’s a generational gap? Hell yes…but I’d say you’re just at the bleeding edge. Keep doing you and looking for like minded people and you’ll just be the oldest of the “Old Man League Bball team, Videogames Edition”. My crew loves our version of that guy… and so does his long time partner. 🙂

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[–] Hotzilla@sopuli.xyz 2 points 1 year ago

I am almost 40 also, and game alot. One thing to remember that our generation is the first to actually game their whole life, nes etc made gaming popular.

Older generations haven't had mainstream gaming, so it is wierd to think people born in 50-60 to game, because games didn't exist when they were young. We on the other hand have grown with the games.

So I think from ten year on, it will be normal to have LAN parties in your elderly home.

[–] Cyder@lemmy.one 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I hope not. I'm almost 50. But I'm not in the dating pool. I feel for anyone trying to date at our age. Better to be who you are though.

[–] TIN@feddit.uk 1 points 1 year ago

It's more fun than you might think actually!

[–] Sneckster@kbin.social 2 points 1 year ago (1 children)

1976 boy here. Grew up playing on the BBC and sat waiting patiently for starfield.

Never too old.

Other people's judgement should never get in the way of a good hobby and giving yourself downtime.

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[–] Waker@lemmy.pt 1 points 1 year ago

My dad is 59 and besides being the one that got me gaming in the first place, he still plays to this day. He is naturally not really into very competitive skill based games (esports) but MMOs or ARPGs and the like he loves those.

I built my first computer with him when I was 5. And today I'm working in an IT field, largely because of him.

He first got me started with Diablo. I've played DII with him, DIII too. DIV he said it's very expensive for now and he'll wait for a discount or something, but I did buy it. He also plays a lot of Guild Wars 2, WoW and some titan quest among other rpgs. He also plays on his phone Diablo Immortal and some other crappy time wasting games 🤷‍♂️

[–] klenow@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I'm 50. I've been gaming since my Dad won a Pong console at a work thing. I still love gaming, and so do a lot of other older men. Hell, the discussion at the lunch table at work today was about all the shit people are doing in Zelda. This was a group of 4 guys, all well over 30 (except one guy who just turned 30), all very successful..

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[–] EmptyRadar@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

Back in the ancient Greek era there were people worried that printed books were going to rot peoples' minds because they would just be absorbed in them 24/7.

Do what you wanna do, dude.

[–] Goopadrew@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

That's like the main plot of Don Quixote: he read too many books about knights in shining armor saving princesses (essentially the soap operas of their time) that he went crazy and started believing he was one of those galliant heroes

[–] rebul@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

In my 50s, I still play video games, but interests have changed. I used to love MMOs (WoW, Eve Online), but just don't like the grind anymore. I've switched to playing card games, specifically rogue type dungeon crawlers; Slay The Spire, Obelisk. This scratches my gaming itch and doesn't have any commitment level. Find a partner that games, they are out there.

[–] jjagaimo@lemmy.one 1 points 1 year ago* (last edited 1 year ago)

200; It's pretty hard to play if you're dead

Anyone who thinks differently is not for you. People can do almost whatever they want for fun, as long as it's legal. Labeling someone childish because they like something is stupid; what am I going to do, drink all day, go to bars, hike, travel, play sports, do n'th paid activity, etc? Some people have the time, money or health that allows or disallows them to do these things, and some people do or don't have the interest. Tons of people enjoy watching tv shows. Are we supposed to grow out of that too? By that logic, we shouldn't enjoy anything we did as kids and just do things only relegated to adults.

Id say most people regardless of when they were born think like this unless they themselves play games. It's more socially acceptable amongst the younger generation right now (e.g. college graduates) and probably because they're still considered young. Kids have more free time than adults and the barrier to entry for them is low. Parents often see their kids playing games and in genral have a negative attitude towards them for consuming time. Id say as people go into their 30s and 40s its considered less acceptable because societal expectations are that people will work and get married and have kids by then, and they'd have less time for solo activities. Going to the bar while having young kids or other activities is less acceptable. As kids get older their parents have more time for fun, but playing games is seen as childish because they either see their kids playing or because its something from their own childhood and other ventures that cost money like travel are now available to them when they werent as kids

[–] Warped@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago (1 children)

I did work for a company who ran various care homes across the country. Some for people with ill health, some just for old age. The changes care homes were having to adapt to was interesting. Not only more openly gay relationships, various different religions, etc... But also a vastly different array of hobbies, and that for some included gaming. This meant care homes having to upgrade internet/wifi, and many other adaptions. Some used handheld games machines, or mobile phones. A couple had PCs. I don't recall seeing any Mac's. A few had games machines. One elderly lady adored her original Gameboy. So it does take all sorts.

Now I'm the same age as you, so I can recall growing up and 99% of girls at school just switched off at talk of the latest game for the Spectrum 48k. We would get called geek, and other names. To a point, the stereotype will stick with some people as they grow up. But I find many, regardless of gender, do or will play games. Even if it's some form of Snake of their phone. Or maybe board games. It's all about having fun, pure and simple. Maybe they have fun in other ways. Maybe you're not compatible? I have always had the rules that a future partner would need to enjoy games at some level, mobile phone, board games, card games, etc... Have to own books and read. Have a love of music. Beyond that, it's negotiable.

So an age limit on games, nah!

[–] Anomander@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

But also a vastly different array of hobbies, and that for some included gaming. This meant care homes having to upgrade internet/wifi, and many other adaptions.

I remember my grandpa being furious that the seniors-only complex they moved into had shit internet, maybe a decade ago. The whole complex was running off a single residential line - like they bought a good package, but still - and that was fine for residents checking email and stuff, but it meant he was stuck taking a day or two to download each Flight Sim update.

[–] Wage_Slave@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Oh dude, what you need to do is start collecting video games.

As I grew up i found myself still playing. Not wanting to stop. Looking at it from a far more mature perspective than i ever had before and thought "Fuck it, horde video games" and these days it is on the same level as those who collect comic books. Can be seen as an albeit childish hobby, but is recognized as also an investment. I mean, my collection of video games is insured for more than new sedan.

Much like dad who collected hot wheels, mom has hutch of ultra expensive china, you have your games and can explain and tell stories in much greater and entertaining details than any tin car. I mean, explain Last of us, or Hentai vs. Evil, it's gonna be a better story than "It's a tbird"

[–] autumn@reddthat.com 1 points 1 year ago

I feel like several things are intersecting here:

  1. PC gaming took off in the 90s. I'm not clear on the history of consoles but I'm wondering if they became widespread in the 80s? Having these devices at home probably created a larger generation of gamers.

  2. Gaming was "for boys" until very recently, and tbh the inclusion of women as the default audience for games is still a work in progress. Game protagonists are usually male, romance options usually assume the player is a straight man, even the quests and the way NPCs are written are colored by these assumptions.

  3. Video games have gotten so much more complex in a very short amount of time. The storylines are richer, the writing and visual effects have gotten signifixlcantly better. Someone who has only experienced early arcade games or clicker mobile games wouldn't see gaming in general as a worthy hobby for adults.

[–] FIST_FILLET@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

there is no shame in liking games, but it's a pretty big turn-off for many people because of negative stereotypes (especially in your age range). do yourself a favor and find another hobby to talk to people about (music, films, exercise), and then once you're close with them and they won't immediately discard you based on those stereotypes, you can start to share that part of yourself
OR you can keep being totally upfront about gaming being your #1 hobby and hope that you'll meet your soulmate who happens to share the exact same passion. either way, good luck :)

[–] RonniesaurusHex@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

Born before 86 and it's one of my main hobbies. A large percentage of my friends are gamers of various kinds. I don't think there's a cut off, just people that get too caught up in defining what adulthood is and not letting fun and individuality be part of it.

[–] synchrohighway@kbin.social 1 points 1 year ago

I'm not sure. I'm in my 30s and me and almost all my coworkers play something on a regular basis: PS5/XBox/PC/Switch/mobile. Even my like 60 year supervisor is a lady addicted to mobile games.

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