Hey whatever gets you the job. It's not like corporations are honest. Screw em.
this post was submitted on 10 Nov 2023
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Not only are they not honest, they also put down crazy requirements and if you don't meet them your resume goes straight into the trash. No reason NOT to up you chances of an interview. I would probably say don't straight-up lie, but it's easy to bend the truth and inflate your worth. So do that, all the time.
I've seen the crazy HR shit from behind the scenes. And it makes sense given what they know and have to work with.
Take my last job for an example. If HR had asked me what sorts of skills I employed, it would be an insane list.
But here's the thing; I wasn't a master of any of those things. I wasn't a pro AD admin, SQL admin, web dev, PS coder, bla, bla, bla.
A lot of what you're answering on a job post or interview is, "Do you have a clue?"
We don't have any sort of central computer admin, no Active Directory kinda identity provider. Google works well enough as an IdP, but I'd never used it that way.
In my interview they asked about Linux central admin and AD. I just said, "Never done it, but I've read a bit and it seems doable. Here's an example of a thing I've heard of, but I've never dug into it."
"OK. That's all I was looking for."
And now I make $80K sitting on my ass at home all day.
I think there is no reason to not lie at your resume while you are confident you can do the task. Most jobs out there are pretty BS anyway.
My resume is almost entirely truthful.
And the parts that are even slightly untruthful are stupid little things that would require explanation, like the fact that I had a bunch of different jobs when I was in my early twenties and sorting myself out.
There's no need for me to go into the long and drawn out process of explaining my personal circumstances from years ago that are no longer relevant and have no impact or bearing on my ability to do the job or be an effective and useful team member.
The one part where I do practically fabricate information out of whole cloth is when discussing salaries.
If you were to ask me what my current salary is I would tell you a number that is based on my current salary and the value of my 401k and the value of my PTO and the value of my convenient commute to work and the value of the people that I work with and the circumstances that I find myself in all rolled into one.
My current salary is what my current job is worth to me that somebody else would have to pay me in order to get me to leave it.
If I relay that information to you and then you beat that salary offer by several percent then we might have a deal.
You get it.
Is just a way to navigate the corporate landscape. Most of that is bullshit, just a suit, a happy face and some specific knowledge that helps you get an edge and you are done baby. If you've got a portfolio, even better.
Question, how do you cover up having lots of different jobs? Just not put them on the list? I'm at that stage in my life right now and am slightly worried a lot of different jobs looks bad on paper
I personally have gone the route of having a full resume that includes all the details of my employment history, and then I'll use that as a basis for creating a specialized 2-page resume for the job I'm after.
i.e. if I won't be working with animals then I won't put down employment at a dog groomers. If I won't be cleaning, then I won't write "custodian" on the 2-page resume. I do however leave anything that includes certification, management, or other merits. Or anything relevant to the job I'm applying for.
From there, I just adjust the dates to fill in long gaps between employment. I still leave a few weeks or months between job titles so if they ask during an interview, then I can go over the jobs not included in my resume and blab about "finding my true passion in employment" and all that other fake shit. I do not dream of labor.
In my specific case, the longest job I worked was for 4 years with a company that went out of business.
I became friends with the manager and was pretty close to his right hand man during the course of the businesses operation, but the time that I work for him was split up so I asked him if it was okay if he got a call for a job check to say that I had worked for him for that entire time period and he agreed, so that covered seven years of job hoppery as all one cohesive thing.
After I got my first big boy post college job they never really checked past the time I spent working there so it was just enough to get me through the door so I'd have a chance to prove myself and once I had proved myself I was clear.
Unless you get caught. We were supposed to interview someone the other day, so I googled him, and found out that his resume and LinkedIn job histories don't match. That lead me down a rabbit hole where I found out he is working multiple full time jobs simultaneously while most likely farming the work offshore, and his job titles were completely wrong inaccurate on both LinkedIn and how resume. Also the references he listed appear to be himself, as their job history is also not real.
Not only did his interview get cancelled, he's marked as non-hireable in the future.
I wonder what that would look like if the roles were reversed: ie. the posted job description didn't match the internal listing, and only after doing some amateur sleuthing did one find that the same corp has been playing a shell game with major contracts, covering up their overseas labor, and they've got sympathetic chairs on each "oversight" org in their sector.
That'd just be another day like any other, though. 🤷🏼♂️
Okay, that's a whole other level of wrong and also kinda awesome. I feel like it's one of those times where you yell and be very stern with a child in front of other people but once you two are alone you high five them and have a laugh about it.
Honestly, if you've got it down to that point then you might as well start an MSP and do it legitimately rather than nickel and dime yourself working 12 concurrent jobs or whatever.
The recruiter is who I want to yell at. Her whole job is to find real candidates, and I was able to figure out in 5 minutes that something was off about the guy just from comparing LinkedIn and his resume, and then doing a quick Google search with his name + employers.
I've got so many freelance jobs in my past this way. It is terrible, I agree. But most recruiters only care if the job is done, no matter who does it.
Honestly, the guy was just playing the game corporations have been setting up and playing for decades.
This guy was able to work several jobs at once and none of the companies found out.
I mean....that takes talent and dedication. I'd hire him.
Most of the jobs were short term, I'd guess they did find out, or the performance was subpar and they fired him at the end of his probationary period.
Fun fact: To the Arabs, Laurence of Arabia was known as "that weird Brit who just refused to fuck off."
I don't have a degree. Started one back in the late '00s but didn't complete it cos life got in the way.
Successful career in related industry but occasionally I'll go for a job only to see it has higher ed quals as mandatory. I think I'll lie next time if there's something I really want to go for and know I can do.
I'm old enough that even if I had completed the course, it was all paperbased paperwork - no one's tracking the truth down and no one really cares. Of all the recruitment I've done, I've never cared about anyone's degrees. Hell, half the technologies and methodologies I work with didn't even exist when I was at uni. So who gives a shit even if I did have the degree.
Job skills and personality mean way more in hiring decisions than schooling.
Are you me? I confirm 100%, on both sides
I have worked with enough people to know that resumes are literally "based on a true story".
Every job I've had requires proficiency with MS Offiice and computers in general. And every single training class has someone who has clearly lied about that.
That's a bingo.
At my last job I onboarded all the new folks. Set up accounts, met them first day, held their hand, all that.
It was an office job at a small payroll firm, nothing technical. I could tell within 10 minutes if that person would last.
Hammered that home in a manager's meeting, after a dozen HR fails for filling the same position.
If they don't have basic PC skills, they ain't gonna make it. Testing is hard to figure and arbitrary, I know, but if they can't work a mouse, they're not gonna last a week. Age and education didn't matter. Can they be instructed to open the X: drive, navigate to a folder and open an Excel sheet?
Retention spiked after HR was told to test for basic skills.
That presumes I’m a fan of myself.
You could hire a resume writer if you're on LinkedIn.
Don't worry, just create an account. They'll find you with offers and guarantees to manipulate ATS (Applicant Tracking Systems) on your behalf.
Now I want to see a resume written like most fanfictions are
give me a bulletpoint and i will try and over exaggerate it beyond reason
I once argued with my boss because we should be allowed to use for loops, and saying they're too complicated is concerning.
I kinda want to lie so hard, I end up being hired for a job I can't even do. Just to see what that's like.
"I graduated med school magna cum laude. I've performed over 3 dozen heart transplants. I once successfully implanted a monkey's brain in the body of a dog."
Mine's more like slash fiction.
Are you Kirk or Spock?
Oh ~~no~~ yes! Risa is overflowing again!