They treat service people well.
this post was submitted on 02 Nov 2023
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Asklemmy
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They are happy to see you!
They handle stress and disappointment well.
They don't externalize their frustrations, and take responsibility for solving their own problems. They act like a functioning adult.
They have interests and hobbies that they are happy to do alone, or share.
Unfair - but they don't have intense money, drug, social pressure in their life, a stable situation is the good grounds for relationships
bonus: If their parents are attractive, then they could be a good partner who ages gracefully with you
That bonus really looked like it was going somewhere else for a second there.
bonus: if their parents are attractive, you have a potential thruple opportunity to fall back on if the relationship sours.
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There is a term in kendo called hikitate geiko. I won't get too technical, but in essence, it is an attitude employed by a senior who spars with their junior that helps elevate their skills. It is more difficult than it appears, because if you make it too easy for them, they don't improve, but if you make it too hard for someone, they won't learn anything either; and at the same time, you yourself won't benefit from the spar. By practicing good hikitate geiko, you are able to elevate your partner's skills, but at the same time, refine and perfect your own technique.
I find that this attitude is beautiful in every aspect of life, and isn't easy to accomplish; I think this is a huge green flag when someone does that well, regardless of the situation or context.
This. Someone who is willing to come down to my ignorant level in a subject and reward me for my tiny effort and interest in it, is an immediate win in my book. Though it is a hard line to cross without going into smirky/mansplaining territory.
For example, Veritasium videos are always fantastic, but I can't get over how the man smirks when he explains concepts, despite the fact that it's his natural smile.
Finding that sweet spot is incredibly difficult, and requires a lot of attention and skill.
In kendo, if I make it too easy, not only the junior won't learn much from it, but they will get frustrated and feel that they are being dismissed or looked down on. If you go too hard on someone, you are crushing their spirit and demoralising them, and they don't get the opportunity to learn or improve. The problem is that such environments tend to be festered in some dojo, so if you see that, best to look for another group.
The point of hikitate geiko is to give your partner both a boost in confidence and engagement, giving them opportunities to attack you, but if they don't immediately capitalise on them, move on.
As for applying it outside the dojo, I think you have to want to share your enthusiasm about something, and when you get them hyped about it like you, it's an awesome feeling. When you give them the confidence to try something, or ask a question, they are trusting you and it's great. I also love seeing someone when something they have been trying to do just clicks.
I find that when learning a new skill, there is a point of psychological friction, because you feel that you suck, and just aren't getting it. Hikitate geiko helps the junior not feel like they suck, it feels awesome and it increases morale, which makes learning both fun and effective.
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Uses vim?
I, too, appreciate a clean bathroom
Now I'm not dating someone unless they can prove their vim skills. Probably I'm gonna die alone.
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If a person carries their trash with them until they stumble upon a trash bin they instantly have a plus in my book.
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The simple virtue of being able to genuinely express these words; "I don't know", "Sorry" and "Thank you" (or any derivative of these*).
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Only kicks upwards, not downwards. Has a backbone and principles. Doesn't value money over meaning. Likes to teach people instead of putting oneself over them.
They're self aware. Understand the difference between subjectivity and objectivity. When they encounter someone different, they don't judge, see it as a learning opportunity. Put thought into their words. If you ask them a question, you can see them carefully thinking about it.
Everyone judges, it's how you act upon that judgement that is the mark of your character. Anyone that says "I don't judge" is either full of shit or means that they are self aware of their biases, conscious and subconscious and don't act upon their judgements.
Judging people is a natural part of being human and impossible to not do.
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Expresses disagreement with people talking shit about others when they don't have to
Treats everyone with respect regardless of what their perceived status is.
When they call you because they're at the supermarket and you might want something.
Actually intelligent, reads books, sense of humor, actually listens.
I love my ereader but I miss the days when you could actually see what someone was reading. It was like a book recommending a person
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People who treat others who cannot benefit them well. For example, wait staff.
They're a fucking weirdo like me and so don't mind being goofy a good bit of the time.
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- vegan
- soft spoken
- patient
- hands scarred/calloused from work
- creases in face from smiling
- casual manner/attire
- walks around other earthlings on footpaths etc instead of through
- puts their shopping trolley away, bonus if they round up others
- mocks authority
- is kind to children and listens to them seriously
i see your mocks authority and raise you an acab.
these are good green flags. I see the flak youre getting from folks doing the whole "make fun of vegans on the internet" thing, and wanted to say that the vegans Ive met irl have been really chill folks that are willing to make sacrifices for a better society. idk why vegans get trashed on online for sharing the long list of pros for veganism, as if people don't share opinions online all the time.
personally, I'm on a reduce animal products in ways i can with an occasional "treat yo-self" day, but that's mostly because ive lived a lot of my life being poor and havent always been able to select my own diet.
excited for more lab grown options, and I love when vegan options exist because they are usually unique, delicious, and dont have dairy(am allergic).
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They can laugh at themselves. Not to the point of self deprecation, but they can acknowledge when they're wrong or dumb
They talk about Pokemon in the first date and will defend gen whatever while still calling it shit.
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Their soul is sufficiently supple for the ritual.
Girl, are you covered in the entrails of a sheep to sacrifice to the Lord Glycon to wake him from his sleep, or are you happy to see me?
Cutting the bullshit and getting straight to the point. If I wanna play games I have a playstation.
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When they pay back what they owe without being reminded.
They actually show up, or, failing that, tell you they aren't going to show up and summarize why and when the next best time is.
They smile at people they meet in a genuine "have a good day" vibe. It lifts people more than you know.
They are open to the idea that they could be at fault in any given situation but neither always assume they are nor always assume they are not.
They join banter in a comfortable way without using character assassination as an authority/persuasion grab.
I think the way people talk about themselves vs. the way they talk about others is very telling about their personality. Being positive and humble/making fun of oneself while being positive about others is a huge green flag.
They communicate honestly
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