I think it's a general issue with dating apps, I always hear people talk about getting ghosted on there. Sometimes even on a date itself, they are at the restaurant and no one shows up. It's really messed up, it's like using a dating app creates such a distance from a real person that it feels like you can do whatever you want and not have to feel bad.

My current partner told me after we'd been dating for a few months that she almost flaked on me for our first date. This date was my first and only match I had on that dating app in an entire month. For her, it seemed like an easy thing to do. For me, it would have destroyed my confidence if the one match I got flaked on me. We're both glad she didn't because we're still together after more than 6 years but it really shows you how different people think.

[–] kcameleon@lemmy.world 7 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago)

I deleted the same post from memes because they all told me people owe me nothing, that the conversation must have not been that interesting... I think lesbians understand that better in the dating world. I am glad your relationship took off and passed the test of the dating app !

[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 9 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Is an openly bi guy allowed to comment here? If not please let me know then I will delete this comment.

I happen to see such behaviour (ghosting after a promising start, already planning for a first in person meeting) very often, too, (although it's with guys obviously), and I asked those who were available for such questions afterwards why they didn't follow through.

Answer nearly always was: They dream of living out this part of their sexuality (they very often crave it because it really is what they are) but can't risk to get "caught" by their partners, families and other social circle. Very often they use conversations with other guys to get them off (i.e. masturbation, it often is as simple as that) - and after getting a high out of being in touch with a real guy interested in them and being relieved of the most urgent pressure they can get back to their closeted life until the next time the craving gets too strong. Some of these conversations had a dark overtone as these guys really felt like living a torn, "wrong" life.

Does that match any of your experiences?

[–] kcameleon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

I am sorry maybe it matches and maybe it doesn't let me know what you think about what I'll tell you. We're both a minority in the fact we are lesbians but also asexual ! I think we were happy to discover we expected the same thing in a relationship and our talk was interesting, we talked a lot about common interests and talked for hours, even planning to get coffee at her place someday. Do you think in this scenario living the asexual part of her life made her scared?

[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 5 points 2 days ago* (last edited 2 days ago) (1 children)

Have you tried asking her? Is she still up for some communication?

There may be a myriad of reasons why such connections get lost (there may even be very simple technical problems, losing the login or the only device used for that app, who knows). I stated one possible reason that will not apply to a lot of other people. Maybe it wasn't the asexuality and more of another aspect? In the end only she knows.

[–] kcameleon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

She actually told me she didn't saw my texts this morning! I am still in ladies (and bi dudes!)

[–] ladicius@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago (1 children)

I wish you all the best! Have fun on your date :)

[–] kcameleon@lemmy.world 6 points 2 days ago

Thank you you're so kind!