Jesus, ate The Onion again. Right at the edge of believably.
this post was submitted on 31 Oct 2024
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In the 90s, the headlines were absurdist satire, and the point was to laugh at people who could fall for it being a real news publication.
Things like "Woman wins powerball lottery. Buys state of Montana."
NOW the headlines are absurdist satire, and the world has decided to bite the onion SO HARD that real life headlines are just as absurdist and satire adjacent, that you're easily forgiven for not knowing the difference between ketchup and catsup.
Why would you bring that condimental abomination into this friendly discussion?
I call tomatoes god's perfect food, but they can only be pushed so far until they become an abomination before a loving Jesus.
NOW the headlines are absurdist satire, and the world has decided to bite the onion SO HARD that real life headlines are just as absurdist and satire adjacent, that you're easily forgiven for not knowing the difference between ketchup and catsup.
Basically american version of soviet anecdotes.
Honestly, this is more a prediction than satire at this point.
the onion is getting really good at "getting" me. they had me again with this article!
That's because reality has caught up with their ridiculousness.
Reminds about interview with creator of Masyanya.
"How your script is always so ridiculous and prophetic?"
"I just look at current trends and extrapolate."
Nono, that's reality catching up.
Fuck. They got me too here.
Got me too. I literally said WTF before I noticed.
Cheese and rice. Got me good.
Wow what's that expression? Like it :-)
I had to double check the name of the sub to make sure this wasn’t a real law.
Fucking Onion keeps giving them ideas; the GOP might as well start paying them as policy advisors
......yet
JESUS CHRIST!!! Don't give them fucking ideas!
You'd think that after the video from from the other day was co-opted in hours they'd wise up.
Wait, so this isn't real? Everything's so goddamn crazy I can't tell anymore.
I read the headline and went, huh, sounds about White before I saw the website.
Damn you The Onion...
I actually ate the onion. Spooky that this one feels believable.
okay I’m not American but I definitely ate this one
dammit Global Tetrahedron you got me good
Someone remind 'em it's only funny when it's satire
scariest thing I've seen this Halloween omg. Never ever has a headline made me physically gasp.
The right of citizens of the United States to vote shall not be denied or abridged by the United States or by any State on account of sex.
Only about a century old. Let's go for another 100.
Dammit, those laws allowing virgins to vote!
a wife could be a virgin, maybe not according to the GOP but there's no reason the wife needs to have sex with the husband
Basically US can create US LLC and deny to anyone based on anything.
?
Will say "it is not goverment, so it doesn't count"
If you are saying they will privatize elections somehow as a loophole around following the constitution, I am skeptical
No, I mean private company beating everyone who they don't want to see on elections
Whaaaat?!..... Oh okay. Nice.